not sure...

After a long meeting tonight, with all the political unrest (the best way to describe it I guess...) in Haiti right now with the election and all, our trip has been postponed to April.

Of course I understand why, but it is still completely frustrating and I can't help but cry thinking about the fact that I have to wait 4 months to hold my baby again and be where my heart is. I don't understand God, I am not God. My heart breaks for the country and people of Haiti. God has given me a heart for these people. He is the one who has allowed a good portion of my heart to stay there. I don't understand it at all. I guess maybe I don't fully trust him, trust that he knows what he is doing. When you see the people you love go through so much turmoil it is hard to know that God is with them, loves them and has everything under control. With Haiti, you just never REALLY know what is going on. Things change constantly and stories always get twisted as they travel from one person to the next. I drives me NUTS that I can't know what is really going on. God is the only one who knows fully.

I AM SO CONFUSED right now with what God is doing.

I started writing a post a few days ago, before I knew that our trip was being postponed. Here is what I started to write:

My heart, my heart is still in Haiti. God has allowed it to be there and there it will stay. I don't think my heart will ever truly be anywhere else.

After a great converstaion with a dear friend today, I began to remember how much God really has done in my life in the past 4 years since I came up to Minnesota and started college. I NEVER would have guessed that at the age of 20 I would have been out of the country 2 times and be planning a 3rd trip. But that is why God is God, he can do even more than we can ask or imagine! How many of us actually take the seriously? I don't think we realize how great of God we serve. We get so sucked into our stupid American culture and think that we actually "need" things, when in all reality, we don't. I get sucked into all the time and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have fallen in love with Jesus and who he is. He is worth stepping outside my comfort zone and doing what he has commanded me to do. I am still a human though and like to be comfortable. I am still learning and growing. I am not perfect. Please don't take any of what I am saying personal, these are just thoughts I am wrestling with lately.


God is the one who told me to plan to go back to Haiti in January. Now, HE is the one stopping me from going because nothing can stand in the way of me going to Haiti, except HIM! I guess I am seriously just confused.

I WANT TO BE IN HAITI. period. But I just don't know what God has planned. I mean like what I started to write about before, I would have NEVER, in a million years, guessed that God would allow my heart to break for Haiti, or any other country for that matter. But once you step out of your stupid bubble and see the horrific lives people live around the world, something changes in you. You realize that there is more to life than just your stupid "problems". You can't just look away anymore once you see children wearing barely any clothing on the side of the road, starving to death. 167 kids die DAILY in Haiti, from simple sickness that can be so easily prevented and cured. That is WRONG! GOD, WHY?!?!? I don't understand. and I will never undersatnd. I just need PEACE Lord, that you have Haiti in your hands.

Please pray for me as I wrestle with thoughts.
Pray for Jasmine, Greg and all the kids (their safety and health!)
Pray for Rigan, as he is working in Port-au-Prince
Pray for Evens, as he is working at a new nursing job.
Pray for Lott-Carey Church and school.
Pray for the nursing school FSIL.
Pray for the Haitian people, the election, against any strongholds Satan may think he has on this country!

WE NEED TO PRAY, NOW!

As for as donations for Haiti, I will still be collecting them. Just email me if you have any donations and I will schedule to pick them up from you sometime. (my email is katelynmariem@yahoo.com)

Thank you for all your prayers. i will be blogging again soon probably. All my love.
Katelyn

Needs?

These past weeks since I have been back in the country have been some of the craziest weeks. With teaching, classes, homework, work, directing the music for the Christmas play and living life in general, there is no way that I would have been able to do it without the help of God. I am not even sure how I am sitting here right now, but I am. In the past few days, being home, I have had time to rest and think. With Thanksgiving it was the time to reflect on all the things I am grateful for. At first, when you start making a list of the things you are thankful for, it is hard to start, but once I got started I was moved to tears. Here is just part of my list:

- a mom and dad, who are still married
- a brother who may drive me nuts, but makes me laugh
- a sister to share everything with
- cousins who make my life brighter
- grandparents who do love me
- a house over my head
- a nice, comfy bed
- clothes to CHOOSE from each day
- a straightner and hair products
- shampoo, conditioner, and soap
- a car that works
- a college education
- a bachelor's degree and teaching license (well, almost)
- the Bristol family and other Minnesota family
- a cellphone (actually, iPhone)
- a computer
- food, every day!
- clean water
- a hot shower with good water pressure
- heat in the winter, air conditioning in the summer
(my list goes on, but you get the point)

I am so truly blessed with so many things that I take for granted every day. I need to remind myself more than I do now about how many things I do have and stop focusing on the negative things like how I will pay for this and that. It makes me angry to think about actually, how God has blessed me so much. It makes me sick to my stomach! But it is so easy to get sucked into this culture which tells me that I "need" all these THINGS, which will all fade away. You have to constantly remind yourself that you really don't NEED anything, but need to bless others because you have been blessed. Jesus said that it is hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of Heaven. I think I finally understand him now. It is so easy to get in the mind set that you need this and that because it is better or you just have to have it! I am guilty of this! But it has to stop! I have NOTHING to complain about! I make 100 times what the average person around the world makes!!

Francis Chan has made me really think about all of this...take a listen: http://churchwarnings.blogspot.com/2010/07/lukewarm-and-loving-it-by-francis-chan.html

It is going to be a challenge, since I live in the American culture, but if you would like to join in with me and live a life like Jesus and bless others with that which we have been blessed with, please join me. I am not saying it is going to be easy, or that I will not mess up and fall. I AM NOT PERFECT, but the Holy Spirit is convicting me right now and I had to blog about it and ask anyone else if they were feeling convicted too to join me on this jounery. I am sure within the next few days God will start talking to me more, convicting me more.

All I am is for HIM, not me. (although, that is easier said than done, things need to change and I need to renew my mind in him every day to stay focused on what truly matters)

Here is a verse God gave me today:
I Corinthians 3:18-19
"Stop fooling yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world's standards, you will have to become a fool so you can become wise by God's standards. For the wisdom of this world is as foolishness to God."

LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN...

I knew this was coming

So, I have been back in the states for almost a week now. It has all really just been a whirlwind. I went to the doctor and found out my foot is only badly sprained, unpacked, cleaned, saw some friends and family :), enjoyed many great "American" things, repacked, drove 6 hours to Minnesota, unloaded, unpacked, saw Kari, Will and Hayden :), went to my new school where I start teaching on Monday to get my I.D. and see the school, went grocery shopping, met the Bristol girls :) and went to the Crown football game in downtown St. Paul...whew! What an crazy 6 days it has been. I have hardly had any time to process not being in Thailand so now as I lay here on my bed, although it feels so good to be back to Crown and I could not be more thrilled, I am hit with this realization that I am really not in Thailand anymore. To be honest, it is very hard to describe in words. I really miss my students. Seeing them on the background of my computer just isn't enough. I think that I am finally starting to process, which is a good thing because I really need to process this [whatever 'this' means. not quite sure yet]. I totally have to rely on God to help me know how though...I am completely clueless on how to do this...It was hard coming back from Haiti, but that was so different in so many ways...

As I lay here on my bed typing away my thoughts, trying to process through them, I look at my lights I bought in Thailand. They are so soft and beautiful and remind me so much of Thailand. I can't tell if it makes me happy or sad...I am so grateful that God blessed me with the opportunity to go and learn so much by teaching in Bangkok. Yet, I am so grateful to be back here in Minnesota with all my friends! I am not sure how I should be feeling right now. No one has really told me and I guess no one really can...I think maybe I should just go to bed because I am just in the mindset right now of just going in circles. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust back and am missing many people in Bangkok.

All I am for Him,
Katelyn

I serve a GREAT God!

So, I just wanted to blog quickly about how amazing and wonderful God truly is. This morning I was really struggling with doubting how things were going to be okay if my ankle is fractured. I was talking to my family and my mom kept telling me that God has a plan, but even though I knew that I had a hard time believing it. (She also helped me focus on the positive instead of the negative) I spent time with God today, since I can't leave my room because I am on the 4th floor, and he really spoke to me and reminded me that He IS with me ALWAYS and will be my strength when I literally have none. People have been coming by left and right since school got out to bring me food and drinks and check on me. The school (ICS) has given me stronger medicine and a pair of crutches. They really do care about me. It is such an amazing school. Elsie also helped me set up for wheelchair assistance at all the airports so I will still be able to get home!:D The girls have been lifting me up with their words, laughter and sweet treats :) Actually, if something were to happen, right now is the best. (Not that I wanted to fracture my foot, but I am just saying) I am done teaching and actually have the time to rest and not walk around. God really is faithful and I refuse to focus on the negative anymore. Yea yea, I am not as mobile as before, but I am not dying and I will be just fine in time.

Get behind me Satan! God is with me and nothing you can do to me will stop me from praising His HOLY name! To God be the glory, forever and ever! Thank you for your continued prayers. Please keep praying! I can't wait to see you all soon!

To God be the Glory!
Katelyn

the unknown

So last night, the girls took me out for one last night of fun before I head home on Saturday. Little did I know what was going to happen. As we were walking down the freakishly small steps in Bangkok, to get on the bus, all of sudden I fell. To be honest I have no idea what happened and am kind of embarrassed because I do not know what I really did. What I do know however, is the fact that I landed on my left foot/ankle and heard 3 loud cracks. I almost passed out because of I thought immediately, I just broke me ankle. This is my weak ankle, always has been since I was 9 and played soccer. I would always twist, sprain and roll this ankle so it has been weak and giving me problems ever since. I sat down on the steps as the girls and Grant, one of the husbands, tried to get me to move my foot to see if it was broken. Well, I could move it, but it didn't feel like it always does when I hurt it. I wrapped it, iced it, and kept it up all night, but had to still do some walking to get home. When I woke up this morning, I could hardly move it, but I was expecting that since it had been still all night. It isn't black and blue, but definitely hurts a lot. This just adds to everything and makes traveling home all that much harder.

I don't know what to say. The unknown has happened. I would have known that I would do this with only 2 days left, right before I have to sit on a plane for 24 hours and rush around an airport. Believe me, I don't understand why God allowed this to happen right now. I mean, I know, I am a clutz and this really isn't out of the ordinary for me, but right now, really? COME ON! I can't afford to stop walking, there is so much to do. I am frustrated and a little scared about how this really does affect everything in the coming weeks. BUT, God is on my side. He is with me. I cannot forget that. I would really appreciate your prayers right now. I love you all.

when one door closes...it is difficult.

[[When one door closes...it is difficult!!]] I know, I know, you are thinking, that's not how it goes, but it is the truth! My adventure teaching in Thailand has come to a close. [I have begun to pack!!] It has truly been an amazing experience and I have learned so much from this experience. I have learned things I don't think I would have ever been able to learn in the states. God has been so truly faithful to me while I was here, providing every step of the way. I was able to pour into the lives of these children and have really grown attached to them. I am going to miss seeing them, spending time teaching them, getting frustrated with them, laughing with them, seeing them grow and learn. I am also going to miss all the friends that I have made while I was here. These teachers are great! This school is so wonderful!

Leaving...it is hard. However, it is different leaving here than leaving Haiti. I know that these kids, even though that 80% of them are Buddist, they have a good home and I know they will not go hungry. It is still hard though. They need Jesus just as much as the orphans do. I am suppose to leave now, God is calling me to something more in the states and I know this, so therefore, I will go with a good attitude. It is about the Lord, not myself. I do have, possibly, the chance to come back and teach at this school (and get paid for it) next school year in second grade...(it was thrown around loosely by the principle that there will be at least a 2nd grade teaching position open, and more position will open closer to December for next year)...so, who knows, maybe God will lead me back here...I wouldn't mind it if that is what HE wants for me, but yea, that is a lot to think about...I will overwhelm myself if I think about it right now. It is time to get on my knees and pray. God will show me where I am suppose to be! I trust Him!

I am very much excited to see everyone in Minnesota again though. Although, I am not really looking forward to winter quite yet, but hoping for some nice autumn weather when I get back! [fingers crossed!!!] It is going to be strange though, being back in the states. I really have been outside of America for a decent amount of time! I know God will help me transition back...it is going to be insane though! But with my God, I can scale a wall :)

Pray for me though, I really do not enjoy traveling. Pray for safe travels with no mechanical issues on the planes and no delays! Pray that my luggage arrives on time and that I can get SOME sleep on the planes, although I think that is highly unlikely...it is the inbetween times and not knowing if I will make my connecting flights that I do not like about flying, not necessarily the flying itself. Other things that have been creeping into my mind have just been little things like will my bags be under 50 lbs, what will immigration be like coming back? will I run into problems? It is just all of the unknowns I have trouble not worrying about, but I have talked to several people who have helped me find peace with traveling back to America. (Many who have just made the trip to America and back to Bangkok recently) Pray for me also as I process all of my emotions. It is strangely more difficult than I thought it would be. I may never see these people again...that is hard to wrap my head around. I have had a lot of trouble falling asleep lately because I am just thinking and processing everything...my head feels like it is spinning 24/7. I know God is with me, but I would really appreciate your prayers. I will keep you updated and look forward to when I land in Minnesota and can use my phone again!! Oh happy day!!

All I am for Him,
Katelyn

change.

All is well in Bangkok! I enjoyed a nice time with Jessica doing touristy things yesterday.


I am excited for church this morning too! I love worshipping our great God with other believers around the world! God is so amazing! I love him so much! He is the reason I can breath right now and type this blog to you all. I will adore HIM!

Being with these girls is so much fun!

I now have only 2 weeks left here in Thailand. That is just absolutely insane! The time has just flown by! I just finished my schedule for my last 2 weeks...I have so many emotions right now that I am trying to process. [hmm, sounds familar...] Change [in general] for me is always hard. Although I am learning how to work through change, while God reminds me that he never changes and is leading me, it is still hard. I have loved it here in Thailand so much, much more than I ever thought I would. I mean besides Haiti, this is one of the first places I have been outside of the US and it sure has been life changing. I have fallen in love with these kids, the school, the staff, the community, the country, the culture...even though I may get frustrated at times, it is wonderful! BUT then half of me is so excited to get back to Minnesota and see everyone again [but I am not excited to enter back into maddness]. God keeps reminding me of everything he has helped me through in the past and I am assured that I can do anything with him. That doesn't mean it all of sudden gets easy. It is tough. I do still have 2 weeks here and will be soaking in all that I can! And you never know what God has planned in the future...maybe I will be back...maybe not. It's up to Him.

Me in front of the Grand Palace


Something else that I have been processing in the past few days has been...Haiti. [Shocker] What is really crazy though is that I am really not sure why all this has been coming up in my path lately. (It's been more than usual) Let me explain. As most of you know, God has really placed Haiti on my heart [although, lately I think he hasn't just placed Haiti on my heart, but all the poor and lost people in the world, but that's another topic!]Anyway, Haiti, but more specifically, Anaika. She is my little girl (who I wish so much I could just adopt now, but God is saying no) She is my joy. I have been thinking about her recently, so much. I know she is always in the back of my mind, but lately she has been more in my head than usual. I can't help but miss her. In chapel yesterday we talked about adoption and how when we ask God to come into our lives and take control, he adopts us into his family. One teacher shared a story about how her sister adopted 2 children from Africa and about how when you adopt a child it is not about you, but about that child. You do it, not because they can give you anything in return, you do it out of love and sacrifice. WOW! I don't know why this hit me so hard, but I was sitting on the floor trying to keep my self well-managed, since I was with my class. Anaika was pressed hard on my heart, but I knew that God has been telling me no to adopting her because let's face it, I am in no position to adopt a little girl, no matter how much I may want to. I am not sure why this all has been going on, but I just wanted to share it with you and ask you to pray for me as I deal with my emotions and such. Then also, please pray for Anaika, her safety and health, her learning, Jasmine and Greg who take care of not only her, but 44 other children. Remember to pray for Haiti. Do not forget the lost and hurting people!



Thanks so much for you love, prayer and supports as God takes me on adventures with him. And even though this adventure will end, I am excited to see where God leads me next. I just want to be with him, be where HE leads me! I will keep you all updated as I enjoy my last few weeks in Thailand!

Blessings,
Katelyn

purple lighting

Guess what...it is still hot and humid here!!! Yippie! *sarcasim!!* I seriously am looking forward to the end of fall, beginning of winter when I get home!! I am done with sweating! Although, it makes me super happy that my mom sent me apple cider that I can make :) It is kinda fall in my room, if I turn on the air really low...oh, wait my air is broke right now!! lol oh well...mai pen rai (bascially means no worries in Thai)

A few of the funny/fun things I can remember from these past few weeks:
* one of the other 3rd grade classrooms were really good and earned a party. They wanted a snow party...haha, so they ate popsicles, made snow flakes, watched a snow video clip and made snow with a snow machine...just thought it was super funny...
* my kids can now sing 'THIS IS THE DAY' in creole and it makes me really happy!
* the youth pastor from the church I go to...hhahaaha...most of you won't get this...

These past few weeks have been packed full of learning.
Learning how to:
~ manage a classroom full of 8 & 9 year olds who love to talk and talk
~ plan weekly lesson plans
~ teach to EVERY student (super exhausting and trying!!)
~ depend on the Lord for strength and sustainment
~ trust that following the Lord is worth it (even though sacrafice is necessary)

It sure has been a whirlwind. Although, I really have been enjoying it, I am very tired each night. The kids are learning though!! (for the most part) Teaching takes a lot of work, but at least I love doing it. Otherwise, I would probably have given up by now... I have finally experienced some of my "harder" days and man, they were rough, but I sure am thankful for all the love and support I have not only from my friends and family far away, but from people here. They are wonderful! I can't say it enough, but God has truly blessed me. Getting to know everyone has been so much fun and I know I will be sad to leave. God has taught me (even more recently) how it is, again, not about me. It is about what he wants me to do, if he wants me to, I will...period. Although it will be hard, in the end, it is worth it. My cousin is getting married tomorrow...I was suppose to be in the wedding, but God called me to Thailand to pour into these children's lives...it is hard and hard for me to understand at times, but it is worth it to follow where God leads me! (CONGRATS BRIBBY! I LOVE YOU!!!)

I was reading in my devotions this moring this from Oswald Chambers...

"The aim of the missionary is to do God's will, not to be useful, not to win the heathens; he is useful and he does win the heathen, but that is not his aim. His aim is to do the will of his Lord."

This is my 6th week here. I can hardly believe it. I have one month left here. I gotta admit though, I have been getting a little homesick and minnesota-sick. There are certian times when I just miss having reliable internet, air-conditioning, food, etc...There are times when I can hardly believe that I am really in Bangkok, by myself, teaching an entire group of children, by myself...I think back to when I was in 8th grade and people told me that I would never go to college because I wasn't "capable" enough. God sure has done some amazing things with me! Here I am not only in my senior year, student teaching, but doing it overseas! Wow! To God be the glory. Teaching these children is the most amazing feeling in the world. To see them grow and learn...priceless, hard to find words to describe it. That is why when I get frustrated with the little things, it doesn't matter. God wants me here and it is not about me. I think that is why he lets the things happen, to keep me focused on what truly matters. Teaching overseas, at an international school, is waaaay different (more challenging) than teaching in the states. Before I left someone told me that it would be like that...they were right. Mostly, it is because of the language difference. Even though they all speak english (some better than others) more challenges arise...So, this experience is so valuable to me and I am really, REALLY enjoying it...even the challenges! I am not exactly sure why God wants me here. I mean I know one reason is to help these kids...there just needs to be 2 teachers in this classroom, but I am thinking possibly it is also because God wants me to be prepared to teach overseas in the future?!? I don't know, we will see. For now, I just need to focus on graduating! (I am also learning that I can't really look at the big picture...I just take it one step at a time. I can focus on God though and he is pretty big!)

I have extended my Thai vocabulary, which has been fun. I can now say don't worry about it, no spicy (lol, yea..few weeks go..ate a pepper by accident...almost died, not going to lie!), I can count, say hello and good bye, say iced coffee (suuuper important one lol), ask someone how they are and give a response, say coconut (lol) and say thank you. I am learning! It has been fun! Jessica is teaching me...slowly. I have really been able to experience more of who God is. I can see him all around me. Working in not only these children, drawing them to him (they have so many questions), but also in nature all around me. I saw purple lighting for the first time in my life a few nights ago...WOW! AMAZING! God is so much bigger than I even know! He amazes me and it is crazy that he loves me and wants me.

I have one more week of full teaching before I have to start to 'fade out'. Please pray for me in this next week. I am getting sick...I am praying it is just a cold and nothing more. However, it is my last week fully teaching and I want to be able to do it well! I have to admit, being sick in hot weather is very strange...I am not use to it and my air broke a few hours ago...God is in control though. Thank you all, so much for your prayers. God is moving! Pray that the kids keep asking questions and that God will just USE ME (and that I will just keep my eyes focused on that!)

I love you all.

All I am for Him,
Katelyn

one.month.

I can hardly believe that I have been here, in Thailand, for a month now! Time is just flying by! I have really been enjoying life here, a lot. I have been getting out more and been learning how to communicate better with the people. Not only have I been able to connect more with the Thai people, but with the staff at the school and the friends I am making! Leaving will be hard. I still have 5 and 1/2 more weeks here though and look forward to these weeks to come!

Also, God has been teaching me so much. I have been learning how to let go of myself, how to die to myself every day. It is not about my desires, my wants...me, but is about GOD! I haven't got to the point yet where I can fully give God everything, but I think I am getting there. I have to admit though, it is definitely hard to die to myself. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster emtionally a lot of the time... I miss Haiti, yes, but I am here in Thailand and these kids that I am teaching need to know God and need to be loved! And I have the amazing opportunity to love on them and teach them about Jesus and the Gospel!!! I know I will be back in Haiti sometime soon, but even if I am not, I will still praise the Lord and know that HE will lead me exactly where he wants me if HE wants me back Haiti, nothing will stop me from getting there! BUT...
...All I am for the Lord...

Today though was my first day fully teaching and managing the class all by myself! It was absolutely wonderful! I loved it, I love teaching so much!!!! The kids are so great and fun to teach. One of the little boys, David, came up to me at the end of the day and said, "Miss Katelyn, it was your first full day teaching everything!" and I said, "Yes, it was!" Then he asked me, "Did you have fun?" I smiled and replied, "Oh yes! I had so much fun teaching you guys today. I love teaching you!" He is so cute! Overall, it was a good first day and I look forward to the weeks to come as I continue to teach on my own. I am learning and if I just stay organized and on top of everything, I think I can keep my "bad days" at a minimum. I know they will come though, but God will help me through them. Thanks for everyone for all the prayer! God is hearing you :)

Well, Jessica and I are going to drink our coconut/banana smoothies and watch Step Up! I'll write again soon!!

All I am for Him,
Katelyn

GOD IS BIGGER

The end of this school day was a rough one. Here is the list:

Ringworm is going around...

Found out one of my students (who has been out sick for 2 days now) is confirmed to be in the hospital with H1N1.

Robin (one of the other 3rd grade teachers) is in the hospital with influenza a..possibly could be H1N1

The fire alarm went off twice today, unexpectedly and unplanned of course. The first one was, whatever, no big deal, BUT the second time the alarm went off was right after the students has just left the room, heading downstairs to wait for their parents and I had to go to the bathroom so bad, but while I was going the fire alarm goes off, yes in the middle of me going to the bathroom. So, I stop and try to get out as soon as I can. While I am coming down the last step outside, the heel of my shoe gets stuck in the crack/indent (don't know why they have them on all the stairs in the school) and I fall on HARD on my knees, scrapping them up badly and starting up my knee issues again. Not to mention that I fell in front of not only elementary students and teachers, but middle school and highschool students and staff as well as all the parents...talk about embarrassment. Now my knees are super sore and beat up.

Yea.

It was rough end of the day, but once I got back to my room, Jessica brought me dinner (such a sweet girl) and we just relaxed and ate. I was then able to get lots accomplished. God is still good. I was getting really overwhelmed with all of this plus lesson planning, but God really came through for me. Please pray for me though.
(Next week, I am begin teaching fully for 3 weeks!!! :D )

Pray for:

-protection from sickness and ringworm!
-wisdom for lesson planning, so I can effectively teach (and help) every student. They all need so much help and I want to do as much as I can, with God's help and strength of course!
-my knees...strength and healing!
-for God to show up even more and continue to touch my student's hearts. There are so many cool stories I could share right now, but I really need to get to bed. Just keep praying because I am seeing the prayers answered!!! God is moving!!!

I miss you all and love you very much!

God is good,
Katelyn

Your hugs
Your kisses
Your smile
Your laugh
i miss you.

Your little arms
how they hugged me tight
I can't stop thinking about you
not with all my might
i miss you.

No matter what I do
i miss you.

Some nights are hard when I dream of you
and wake up to find you not there
reality hits me...
You are there, I am here.
[the tears fall harder] i miss you.

I think of how you are living,
and all that you've been through
It's hard not to worry
when I am thinking of you
I wish I could hold you
again in my arms
to have you fall asleep
and keep you from harm
To feel your little heart beat
and dry all your tears
To tell you, "it's all gonna be okay
you have nothing to fear".

You may not even remember me
with all the people that come and go
I am not just another one of those people
I love you, I want you to know!
i miss you.

It breaks my heart to be so far away
to see pictures of you as you play
I wish to be with you every single day
but here, here I must stay.
i miss you.

I don't understand God
I can't help but ask why
My heart continues to break
tears fall from my eyes
i miss her.

You I will follow Lord
I just don't understand
I need to trust you
Trust in your loving hand
Your timing is perfect
I know this well
but how come it is so hard now
sometimes I just want to yell
i miss her.

WHEN CAN I GO BACK?
i miss her. i miss them!










Then I hear you say, BE STILL and WAIT.























Although I don't know
what the future holds
I know this one thing
Thy Word, oh Lord, I'll uphold
You are always faithful
til the very end of time
I will continue on my journey
I will continue to climb

You see my heart God
You know all that I desire
I am wholly yours
For you, set me on fire

Give me your eyes
your heart
your desires
May I learn to sacrfice all that I am
all that I want
More of you do I inquire

Help me as I work through these feelings
feelings that you allow me to feel
I work through this for a reason
I know this is real

Even though I miss her
and the rest of them
You have control
They are each your gem
you are with them.





I miss anaika.

So Refreshing!

It is refreshing to be here in Thailand. To be in a country where they not only put their icecream on hotdog buns, but put corn and beans on the icecream as well, it is actually so wonderful! I thank God everyday for this opportunity to serve him here. From the students in my classroom, to the kids on the street running around with no shoes who are dirty from head to toe. Thailand is so interesting in that fact that yes, there are some beautiful, nice, rich parts and places, yet right in the middle of that are the dirty, smelly streets with homeless people who are barely making it through living in shacks (which look a lot the homes in Haiti). This can be seen somewhat in that states, but not nearly as much and to the same degree. It is hard to explain really, but definitely heartbreaking.

In the (almost) 3 week so far that I have been here I have able to observe so much. Although there is much here that you would definitely see in the states, there is also much that you wouldn't see and (the majority of it) is refreshing to me. For instance, today at lunch there was a dessert. Usually once or twice a week they have a dessert out. Now, in Thailand they don't make very good desserts (but the food itself is very tasty). As I was eating my lunch I noticed a very long line forming over near the where the dessert usually is (if there is some). I couldn't really see what the kids were getting though so I leaned over to one of the teachers and asked what the dessert was for the day, she said...jell-o. The kids were so ecstatic about jell-o! It is a huge treat in Thailand. My mind was blown away! In the states, jell-o isn't looked at as a yummy dessert that is raved over, yet here these kids wanted as much as they could get. It is simple things like that have been opening my eyes and keeping me refreshed. Different cultures are so wonderful! Things are just viewed so differently. For example, ESL is viewed so differently and in a good way. In the states I feel like ESL (English as a second language) and ELL (English Language Learners) students are viewed as such a negative thing and the children are treated as if they have a special need when they are ESL or ELL. While here, it is just what it is. Children from all different parts of the world are learning English and don't speak it well. This is because it is an international school, but ESL isn't viewed negatively and therefore I think the students don't get frustrated as much with it and believe more in themselves because they don't feel that they are a burden to the teacher. Coming in I was "preparing" myself to help these ESL students with their self-esteem and self-motivation, but it is so different here, in a good way. My eyes have been open and it has been such a blessing. I thank God so much for allowing me to have a better understanding of ESL and ELL students that I would have never have had if I wouldn't have come overseas to student teach. I am learning also, good strategies for ESL students! Such a plus! Every minute I spend with my students I really am falling more in love with them. I think since they are more adjusted to me and my teaching I can really get to know them and connect with them. It has just been wonderful! I was able to help get them all tested today to find their reading level. It was a great learning experience for me to do the reading assessments! I was so excited to learn how to really do it. My students' reading levels span from a low 1st grade reading level to a fifth grade reading level! Learning how to teach to every student will be a challenge, but I look forward to it! I am going to learn so much! They are such precious children who are hungry to learn and be loved. They have the funniest questions and talk about the cutest things. Each has their own personality.

A few days ago, Harry came into the classroom in the morning and was sitting as at his desk, not doing his morning work, as usual (haha), so I walked over and saw him staring at his hand as he opened and closed it into a fist. I knelt down and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me and sweetly said, "LOOK!" as he pointed to his knuckles while he was still opening and closing his hand. I explained to him that we all have knuckles as I made my hand into a fist as well and that they help us use our hands, otherwise we wouldn't be able to pick things up or grip things. He replied with "God made me cool!" He is not a Christian (to my knowledge), but so hungry for God. He is always asking questions about God and asking things like God made this? or Can I pray to God for this? It is so precious. Many of the students are like this. Harry has a rough homelife, but God has great plans for him, as well as for all my students! Pleae pray for them and their salvation. Pray that the Holy Spirit moves! Also, every Tuesday there is a special club after school called GNC (The Good News Club) and many kids attend to hear about the Gospel. It is kind of like AWANA, only right it is after school on Tuesdays. It is truly a fanastic ministry opportunity. I am helping with the 5th graders. Today was the first day and it was absolutely amazing! I love the kids and look forward to teaching them about the Bible for the next 7 weeks I am here. Like I said, they are all so hungry and open! It makes it so much more fun to teach them about God! Please pray or this as well. This is one of the reasons I know that I am here for. I have the chance to lead these 5th graders right to Christ which is so exciting! I didn't think I would like teaching the older kids, but am super excited now to!

Yes, it is still hot and humid. I have bug bites all over me, all the time. I get really tired from the heat and nasty sweating, but it doesn't matter. This where God wants me and so, I love it here! It's not about me, it's about HIM! Thank you all so much for you love and prayers. It helps me through my hard days to know that I have you all praying me through! I love you all! Another update will come soon!

Working for the Lord, not men,
Katelyn

Sacrifices

Experiencing a culture that is not your own really is fun! I never would have thought 10 or even 2 years ago I would laying on a bed in a distanct country from my home. So far this experience has been extremely eye-opening to see what it is like on the "other side", to be the one in the foreign country instead of seeing foreigners in my home country. I am trying to really look at things from another's point of view. How do the Thai people really view me and the fact that even though a lot of them can't read english almost all the signs in Bangkok are also in English and many stores have English names. How do they feel when they here English songs playing in the all the stores, but can't really understand them? It is very intersting and I really wish for just a few minutes I could understand how they really feel. I would really love to be able to read there minds. For now I just continue to process and enjoy the smiles as I walk down the street or through the mall!

This week just flew by so fast I can hardly believe it is gone. I have done so much lately in the classroom, picking up with teaching more. I've been enjoying it a lot! Working with Claudia is such a blessing and the kids, the kids are all so precious. Watching them play their little hand games, start to understand and get things in class, and to see them start to grow already, it has all been priceless. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to be here. I would not trade this for the world. I have been teaching the Bible and love it because whenever I teach a Bible story they all have their eyes glued to me and are hungry to listen and learn. It is wonderful to see. My first lesson was kind of crazy because the kids were adjusting to having me teach them, but now they are doing well and from what I have been observing and from what Claudia has told me, they are enjoying my teaching! Which is so nice! Today, I taught them the Bible Book Bop song to help them learn the books of the Bible. It is a blast! I look forward even more to next week as I start to teach cursive, spelling and math. I have been less and less overwhelmed which has been nice. I think it is because I am more adjusted and also God has been really helping me keep my eyes focused on Him! I feel like I fit right in here, not only to the school, but the culture as well. Although there are definitely times when I am frustrated that I cannot communicate well when I am out, I get overwhelmed with everything sometimes and the humdity is insanely gross at times, but I do like it here. I pray every morning for God to open my eyes, teach me and use me. Thank you for your prayers as well. Without you all praying me through I don't know if I would be able to do this. I appreciate you all so much!

Something that I really been processing and taking in is how all the students in my class are bilingual. It blows my mind how they can speak fluently in both Thai and English. I can only speak English fluently and EVERYONE wants to speak my language. What is it about English that makes people all over the world want to learn it? The majority of the students are at ICS for that reason. They help translate for the parents when I need to talk to them. Little 8 and 9 year olds translating from English to Thai!?! It reallly does blow your mind. I am falling in love with these kids. God has really placed them on my heart. It will be hard to leave them, but I look forward to helping them grow and learn in the time I do have with them. It does take a lot of energy each day, but it is so worth it! I am learning how to teach to every student in my class. When they don't understand how I am explaining things I am learning how to re-word things and help them understand. I have already begun to be stretched and look forward to being stretched even more in the weeks to come, although it may be tough at times, I am really learning. That is what I am here for right?! I have so many ideas I am excited to try. I am giving it my all. It is such a safe enviornment I am not scared to try things and fail. Plus, I know that with God, I can do all things! :)

Although I do like it here and wouldn't want to be anywhere else doing my student teaching because I am going to learn so much and impact the lives of these kids, I do miss Minnesota. Everyone is moving back into Crown and I am not. I will be missing all the fun of the beginning of the year and all that it brings. I will miss football and the beginning of fall with the beautiful trees. I am not sad in the fact that I am crying, but part of me really misses everthing and everyone. It is the little things that have been adding up. I miss Hayden a lot!!! He is getting so big and I am not there for his 4th birthday. I miss my friends, laughing with them, their hugs, just being with them. I miss Freshwater and the kids there. I miss the Bristol's, Vaughn's and Steph and Brian. I just miss Minnesota and Crown. I am very much excited for when I get to go back, but my time here is short. I am here and will focus on that. I just needed to get that out of my system. I have made many sacrifices in order to be here right now and that is because God told me to go and I did. He is worth it! He knows, he knows my heart and I will continue to obey and follow him. He will not let me down.

Learning to obey the Lord, even if it means making sacrifices, big or small,
Katelyn

The Land of Smiles

It is crazy to think that I have been in the land of smiles for one week so far! The time has just flown by! I am still adjusting a little bit. The Lord truly has been faithful in helping me with processing everything. It has been quite a bit of a whirlwind week, but I am getting more comfortable and getting to be more like myself after slowly working through jetlet. I am very thankful for the weekend so that I can rest and process all that has happened this week and then I will be more prepared to begin taking on more responsibilities in the classroom starting on Monday. Sometimes I am so tired that I can't stay up past 8/8:30pm, I just fall asleep. Part of the reason is the fact that I am still getting over jetleg, but then also, observing and processing not only the culture, but the classroom as well, I am tired. It has been wonderful though to get to know things better, especially my students. They each are so unique and special. I really look forward to getting to know each of them better. God has placed me in their lives for the next 10 weeks and I am truly blessed and privileged to be able pour into their lives. I am getting more organized in the classroom and feel that I am read to start taking on more. [I put on my bullentin board about myself (picture at top of blog entry) today and am very excited for all my students to see it on Monday.]

Student teaching is definitely going to be some work, much more than practicum. Dr. Chappell wasn't kidding, but I am excited. It will definitely have its challenges, ups and downs, but I have much to learn and am so blessed to have such a supportive and encouraging cooperative teacher, along with amazing, new single lady teachers to stand by my side not only in school, but outside of school as well, going out to eat and shopping together. I am enjoying this community so much. Words cannot even explain how much God has been faithful to me in leading me here. This is exactly where I am suppose to be. I am ready to take each challenge as it comes, learn all that I can, and enjoy the time I have here.

This week I wasn't teaching any major lessons, just getting acquainted with the school, schedule and students. I helped with small groups and helped the students with their work. (Working with some of the students this week, on their math for example, I was reassured that teaching is what I am called to do. Words really can't express how much fun it was to help two students understand their math and see their faces light up once they got it! I can't wait to teach more than just helping some students with some math problems!!) It was a good week. Much to take in, but I made it. Student teaching is more than just teaching students. It comes with managing the classroom, students, parents, issues, lesson and curriculum planning and so on. There is a lot that goes into it! It is all about being able to balance it all and this is what I am going to learn to do. I know all about teaching and have taught in the classroom a little bit last semester, but I have never fully taught, taking on all the responsibilities of teaching. So, this week I just soaked it all up. Now this weekend I am going to process it all. The school has great programs to help with curriculum mapping and lesson planning. I am excited to explore it more this weekend so I can use it in the weeks to come. They gave me full access to everything. I love the feeling of really being a teacher now! It is like when I was 8, playing school in my basement with my friends, only now, it is real! The grading is real, the lessons are real!

On Monday I will slowly start to take over the classroom, about one subject area a week, until in the middle of September I will have full control of the classroom for 3 weeks! It is so good to "fade" in because there is so much that if I was to take it all on at once I would die out right away. Claudia is a wonderful cooperating teacher! (I know I have already said this a lot, but it is true and it is hard to put it in words just how wonderful she is!) She is big on hands-on activities in class and collaboration in class which I am thrilled about. I am going to be able to try all kinds of things during this student teaching experience! She already has been giving me lots of great tips and been sharing with me wonderful information about making websites and activites. It has only been one week and already she is such a big help to me not only now, but giving me things I can use throughout my entire teaching career! God knew exactly what he was doing when he worked all this out.

The students in the class are a wonderful bunch of kids (they picked me some beautiful asian flowers the other day!) , but almost all are below reading level and need a lot of help. With a good portion of them having a hard time understanding english it does make it more of a challenge, but just from observing this week, I am going to love helping them learn and grow! I look forward to this challenge. Although all the students must speak only english in the classroom, since the majority of them speak Thai, they sometimes will talk to each other in Thai. It is funny because we have to tell them or "remind" them they are only to speak english. (I hear Thai a lot walking down the halls, or at the beginning and end of the day when parents are at the school. It is really interesting!) Sometime one of the little girls (who speaks barely any english) gets really frustrated because she can't communicate, but she is actually improving a lot on her english! This is a common case. I will be working with a lot of students who get frustrated because they don't know how to communicate well in english or they don't understand what is going on. I really am anxious to learn how to work through these challenges and become a better teacher. I have been already learning a lot from Claudia as she handles these kind of situations. She does such a good job with it!

Some of the random things that just don't really fit with anything, but that I really want to share with you all:

-I feel so special and important because every morning the guards sollute me as I walk into school. This culture has high respect for teachers. I love it!
-You can order from almost any fast food resturant and get it delivered! Yes, McDonald's and Subway deliver! haha, I find it so interesting and cool!

I am getting use to the rain, sounds, and smells of Bangkok and have really been enjoying the sweet culture. It rained a lot this afternoon into the evening so it cooled down quite a bit, which is nice. The humidty is lower right now! Oh, I took the bus for the first time yesterday. It was cheap and an actually pretty fun! I was with some of the other teachers. They are such a blast to be with. This really is a great place to be. I can feel God moving here and look forward to getting out more into the community, but teaching takes first priority! I have many more weeks to come, packed full of many great moments... moments of mistakes and learning, moments of joy and laughter, moments of tears and sadness. They will come as I continue to get more settled. I do miss being in Minnesota and see on facebook how everyone is going back. I do wish to be there to see everyone again, but I know this is where I am suppose to be and I will be back there again soon!

Thank you again for all the prayers. Please pray for me as I continue to adjust and process through everything and begin to phase in starting Monday. I will continue to keep you all updated when I have time.

Love,
Katelyn

The First Day

{I just want to say that blogging is a lot harder than it looks. I want to make sure that I touch on everything, but there is just so much that I always miss something or I don't describe things in much detail. I do apologize, but hopefully you can get a general feeling/understanding of what Bangkok is like, what the school is like, what I am up to and what God is up to in my life}

I just finished eating my yummy dinner that I just made! It actually turned out! I am so proud of myself. I made rice with chicken, snowsnap peas and baby corns :) It may have taken a lot of energy to make it, but I did it! This probably won't be a regular thing since it is actually cheaper to eat out...it's about $1.50 to get a big meal. Super cheap, I love it. Yesterday, I got the most amazing smoothie from a small little place on the street right next to the campus of the school. Everyone was telling me about how great they were and dang, they were right! I have never had a better smoothie, even from the states! And it was only 25 baht which is less than a dollar since the exchange is 32 baht to 1 dollar :) Pretty sweet huh? (no pun intended! haha). I have really just loved spending these past few days getting acquainted with Bangkok, but am definitely ready to start what I came here for...teaching!

I didn't go off campus at all today, which was kind of nice since I have been doing so much walking and exploring around this friendly, left-sided country. (There is so much to do and see in Bangkok!)I think I am finally use to driving on the left side now...it was so weird at first! I am getting more and more use to the sounds and smells of Bangkok and a foreign country in general. It is kinda nice. Feeling the humidity hit me and smelling the different smell of Bangkok as I opened my door this morning reminded me that I am definitely not a home, but I am getting use to it, slowly, but surely! I have adjusted to the time and "life" here pretty well in the past few days, but now it is time to adjust to being a teacher in this new setting. It takes more energy than one would realize. Just observing today was pretty draining. I am all set up though. I have my ID, keys, email, computer password and everything. I feel so offical I love it! My students are the sweetest kids I have ever met. There are 15 kids... 7 girls and 9 boys. I have 2 Americans, 1 Korean, 1 Norwegan (sp.?), 1 Canadian and the rest are Thai. I even have one little boy Thai moviestar in my class. Crazy right? I know! lol The classroom is very cute. Claudia did a wonderful job setting up her room and establishing good procdures and rules. We are going to work together so nicely. She is a sweet woman! I am going to learn so much from her! I have already been writing down some of the things I like that she does with her students :) Tomorrow is actually first "real" first day from start to finish in the classroom (I was getting my ID and everything taken care of this morning I went to the classroom a little later) and I am very excited.

Right now I am still trying to not be overwhelmed. I have a tendency to worry and overwork myself even if it is just by thinking. One step at a time. Jesus said, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW FOR TOMORROW WILL WORRY ABOUT ITSELF! I need to remember that God is in control. This is going to be such a great experience and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now doing my student teaching. This school is one truly amazing school with a tremendously wonderful staff. I am so blessed to be here, so blessed that God placed me here to learn and work in this nice country. Thai people are so friendly, all you can do is smile when you see them because they are already smiling so big and bowing at you. It is such a refreshing culture to be in!

Well, I have to be up early so I think it is time to start getting ready for bed. Another long day tomorrow! Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to adjust and begin teaching. I will start to fad in, teaching more and more, next week. (This week is mostly observing and doing small activities with the students). I can really use pray for a clear mind that is set on God, so that I can adjust.

Learning how to not worry,
Katelyn

a Sunday overseas

I love going to church overseas. There is just something about it that gives me goosebumps and smiles the entire time I am at church. Being with my brothers and sisters who live so far away from me almost brings tears to my eyes. Today, I went to the biggest Thai church in Bangkok, with Jessica. It was a wonderful church and I hope to attend there every Sunday I am here. It seems that churches overseas are less time concerned and more focused on just worshipping the Lord, which is what I love doing! They will just keep singing if the spirit leads them too. It is so wonderful!! (But yet they don't last for hours upon hours.) They have an english translation of the sermon you can list to so you can understand the sermon, which is really neat because you can still be in the church with the Thai in the background, yet you are able to understand what is being said. While we were worshipping together today (in Thai and English) I almost was moved to tears a few times. I was just thinking about how amazing it was that even though we don't look the same or speak the same language we could still worship our Savior together. It is experiences like this that I live for and look forward to while I am here. I could feel the presence of God in the church and its a feeling I love getting. The last time I really had it was worshipping with my Haitian friends back in March. It was fun because when we were singing 'This is the Day' I was singing it in Creole instead of English :) I have been "falling in love" more and more with this place as I get more settled and such. I can now say a few things and actually feel comfortable saying them, have been trying more and more food, and have a better sense of direction, well somewhat. Thai people are so sweet and friendly I have loved getting to know them more. The language is still tough with the tones, but I am getting use to it. God has really been helping me! He is faithful! Even though I know I love Haiti and miss it very much, God is showing me a new love I have for Thailand. He is teaching me that I can't be focused on either Haiti or Thailand...my only focus needs to be Himself and what he is going to do. I need to take myself out of the equation! The sermon today was really good. It was on keeping the altar in your life burning. I am suppose to be a living sacrifice daily for the Lord. It is not about me. This is something I think God is working on hard in my life right now. All I am is really for Him! It doesn't matter if my computer is acting up and is really difficult to use right now or if I can't speak or understand the language around me...God is what my eyes need to be focused on. I need to continually thank him for everything he is doing in my life and thank him for the things he has blessed me with. And then I need to continually offer my life up daily as a living sacrifice to him!! He is all I want and He is worth it! This is a learning journey for me and I am looking forward to learning along side of many other people :) I am not perfect, but I have a God who is. He will help me as I learn!

Learning how to crucify the me in myself daily,
Katelyn

A city of 10 million

Bangkok is a wonderful city. It is hard to explain what it is like, but it is funny because as I was walking around yesterday with Jessica and Lissa, I felt almost at times as if I were in New York City and then a few seconds later like I was in Haiti and then in back in Bangkok. I guess the reasons are one, a city is a city. It has specific smells and sounds, but the reason I felt like I was in Haiti was because of some of the smells! It is crazy, but true. Also, though I think because of all the markets on the streets in certian places you just know that you are not in the states at all, but I feel more like I am back in Haiti. You can get things for so cheap at the market. You can also find some of the strangests things in the market too! I love the markets probably the best though. They are cheap and more fun to shop at. (You can usually bargin down a lot of things as well). Explaining Bangkok is a difficult thing to do though. Even through pictures, until you are here you can't fully understand what it is like. IT IS HUGE!! Think of Milwaukee...now triple that and spread it out all the way to Germantown (for those of you who live in Minnesota, take Minneapolis and St. Paul and double it!!) That is as good as I can get to giving a visual to how big this city is! I do love it though. It is filled with so many different kinds of people. The Thai people are very sweet and I am beginning to pick up on little words and sayings to communicate with them. It is funny though because I walking around on of the stores, which is across the street, today and they had western pop music playing (California Girlz to be exact lol). I felt as though I was back home. It was really strange, but sort of nice in a way.

I was able to finally get a tour of the school today and oh my word, it the most beautiful school I have ever seen. The set up is seriously awesome. I wish schools in the states had this set up. Hopefully I can take some pictures sometime and show everyone. The entire campus is big, but not confusing at all actually! I am going to love it. I saw Claudia's room and know I will fit right in. I am so anxious to get into the classroom. I wish it was Monday tomorrow!!

Tonight I ate at Pizza Hut, but what is interesting is that even though they have quite a few "western" resturants, they have crazy things at them that one can order that you would never find in America and their portion sizes are a lot smaller! My regular DQ blizzard was tiny, but very good!! It was another fun day getting even more situated and settled. My room is even more homey and getting to know Jessica and Lissa more has been wonderful. Yesterday, we went on an adventure exploring downtown Bangkok and it was really fun (picture on facebook). We went to Sima Ocean World and it was a blast. We also went to a few of the markets and got some good stuff for real cheap. I love that things are less expensive here! (Oh my, the rain is POURING!!! i can hardly think! it is the rainy season and all of sudden it will just start pouring for a few minutes and then stop and be done for hours...it is crazy! lol). Tomorrow I am going to a Thai church with Jessica. I really like having her as a friend to help me around because I am just not comfortable going places (in which a taxi or bus is required to get there) alone yet. I thank God that he placed her in my life here!

Thailand is very wonderful and I know these 10 weeks I am here are going to be some of the most amazing weeks of my life, but I still miss Haiti and have wished a few times I was there instead of here, BUT this is where God wants me and therefore I will focus on doing my best here, getting to know THIS city and THESE people and children (and students). I think once I meet my students and get to teaching my feelings will change. Don't get me wrong, I want to touch the lives of the people in this community and country. It is just that I still do miss Haiti. Especially when some of the smells make me think I am in Haiti. I am very much excited though to see all that God has in store for me while I am here! :) He knows what he is doing!!

Learning to Trust the Lord day by day,
Katelyn Moore

Safe and Settled in Bangkok

Well, after my 28 hour trip over I am finally here! What a trip it was! Tokyo was absolutely crazy. My flight was delayed almost 3 and 1/2 hours due to mechanical issues with the plane, but I finally arrived in Bangkok at 2:00am and arrived at the school at about 3:30/4am (their time). It is extremely humid here (I am very thankful I have A/C) and it is the rainy season, but it is very beautiful. I haven't gotten out much, but hope too this weekend! After I unpacked and got settled in yesterday, Elsie took me to Central Bangkok, which is one of the biggest shopping malls with all kinds of fun stores (including many "western" stores and resturants) and it is only a few miles away :). There is even a Starbucks in Central Bangkok!!(Seriously, I really do have it all) I went grocery shopping and such. It is really nice because the majority of the signs are in Thai and then under the Thai is English. And almost all the resturants and stores in the area have English menus! It is so nice! Bangkok is a huge city and I am a city girl, I will be just fine here! I am close to everything!! I love it. I had my first Thai meal yesterday and it was very good! I can't wait to eat more Thai food! Driving is opposite here and so that is taking some adjusting, even though I am not driving it is interesting still. Thai people are so nice and they are very quite. Walking around yesterday was fun, but I am still processing everything and trying to get over jetleg, but I like it here. Everyone has been so welcoming and friendly, it has really made it easier to begin to adjust.

My apartment is very nice. I love it! I am on the top floor, the 4th floor, all the way on the end. On my floor are all the single lady teachers. All between the ages of 22 and 26! I met my neighbor Jessica yesterday, I haven't met anyone else yet, but will today. We are all going to downtwon Bangkok. I love how God works though because Jessica and I are so alike! She is 24 and will be teaching 4th grade (one grade above me) and this is her first full year of teaching! She is such a blessing! We talked for a while over coffee yesterday and I am excited to get to know her better. I know she will be a big help to me while I am here. It is nice to have someone to call a friend! I just absolutely love how God knows exactly what he is doing! He is so completely faithful, from the big things, all the way down to the small things.. it blows my mind.

Monday I will start teaching. Yesterday and today are holidays so there is no school until Monday anyway. I am beginning to prep a little bit though and am very anxious to get into the classroom and meet the students. Claudia told me a little about her class and it is going to be a wonderful class to work with.

That is all I can really think about right now. I am still adjusting, but seriously, I can't say it enough, God is so wonderfully faithful and I am clinging to him still as I continue to discover Thai culture, make a few mistakes, and get over jetleg! He is faithful :) Thank you to everyone for your prayers! Pleae keep praying for me as I start teaching and continue to go through adjusting. I know my days will not always be perfect and I will have difficult days. This is where I am suppose to be though! God has me, I can feel his arms around me! It is the best feeling. Well, time to get ready for the day. I am going with a few other single lady teachers to downtown in a little bit!

In Him,
Katelyn

The time has come!

The countdown is done, which is crazy! My time to leave for Thailand has arrived. I can hardly believe it! My bags are all packed, everything is ready to go!! I can't even truly believe that tomorrow I am off to the airport to fly to Bangkok, to start my student teaching!!! I am filled with so many emotions. I am excited and happy, yet sad (that summer is over for me) and anxious! God has brought me so far. I would have never thought that I would be doing this, but it is not about me. God has replaced my old desires with new ones. Knowing 100% this is what God wants for me though is the only thing that I really care about. It is time to follow him as he leads.

It has sure been a crazy time the past few days though. I have been fighting my anxiety and worry, as well as some major headaches. I have been having a lot of migraines (a.k.a. spritiual battle) the past few nights and I haven't been getting much sleep. The reason I know this is because a few nights ago when my head was pounding hard and the pain was shooting through my head down my neck, I started to pray aloud and as soon as I said the name of Jesus, my headache stopped. God is on my side, regardless of what Satan tries to throw at me! If God is for me, who can be against me right?!? I know that God is going before and preparing everything...all I need to do is relax, trust him and let him "drive", but it is a challenge. It is so nice to know though that God is in charge of this all. He has provided everything for this trip. He is good and has blessed me with so many people to pray me through this and support me. (Thank you to you all. I love you)

I know that God is in control, but I would still love your prayers. I will keep you all updated on here and on my facebook in the days to come! I am looking forward to sharing with you all that God is teaching me :)

Prayer Requests:
-Pray that my flights go smooth and I make all my connecting flights
-Pray for me as I start student teaching. Pray that I can touch the lives of these children, as well as pass my student teaching :)


All I am for Him!
Katelyn

6 months.

I can hardly believe that 6 months ago at this almost exact time I was sitting at the kitchen table feeding Hayden a snack, enjoying his laugh and smile, having a good day, and little did I know that 3,000 miles south at about 5pm a massive, 7.0 earthquake would strike the poor country of Haiti, killing millions upon millions and leaving millions homeless and creating thousands and thousands orphans added to the ridiculous amount already. It breaks my heart. Last night I didn't get much sleep and I am sure tonight will be hard again. I don't fully understand why God allows me to feel such pain and heartache for Haiti, but all I do know is that I do feel this pain for a reason. Haiti has stolen my heart. God has placed a passion for it on my heart, one that I could never remove by myself. I feel so connected to everyone there and miss it more than I have missed anything before so far in my life. I sit here and look at pictures and being to weep, not just cry. There are so many people that I love in Haiti and even though it has been 6 months now, SO much help is still needed in Haiti and the Haitians need help! I go through waves of guilt each and every day, but above all else, I MUST trust in the Lord and rest in the promise he gives that he knows what he is doing and when the time is right I will return to help my borthers and sisters in Christ, all the people I love dearly. With the hurricane season upon Haiti, each and every day I try not to worry, but it is so hard not to. The tents are not holding up because of the sun and heat they are falling and with no real structures for most Haitians to use and the hurricanes coming, my nightmares seem to increase. It is though, again, a test of how much I trust God. I have to hand all of the people I love in Haiti over to God daily.

A few days ago, I went to a few seminars on Haiti. Seminars filled with stories about God's faithfulness and what we can still do to help. I found myself filled with tears, shivers and yet, joy. Going back to exactly 6 months ago right now in my head I am acutally shaking (which is making it hard to type actually but I will continue anyway). I can't even begin to even imagine what it was like for the Haitians there and I will never fully understand what it was like, but I like I said, God is allowing me to feel only a fraction of the pain the Haitians feel every day. I am so thankful every day that no one I love was killed in the earthquake, but this country is such despreate need!!!!!!! They pray each and every day for God to give them their daily bread, do I? NO! I don't have to! This is so wrong! Their faith is so much stronger than mine, they have ARE IN DESPREATED NEED OF GOD EVERY DAY to help them through. Their relationship with God is so much deeper than mine. I want to be desperate for God each and every second of every day. The Christian Haitians teach me so much each day. I complain and think that I have problems, but really, I DON'T! I have the good life, even if I don't make the amount of money I "need" too, I really am FINE! This is the hard lesson I learning...WHY DID GOD GIVE ME THIS LIFE? WHY DID HE PLACE ME IN SUCH WEALTH??? But yet, I just remember when I was in Haiti in March, how amazed I was at how much the Haitians praised and worshipped the Lord even though they really have nothing. This is one of the reasons, I believe, God allows me to continually feel the saddness and pain for Haiti. I have so much to learn from my Haitian brother and sisters. So, this is what I am aiming to do, learn and be wise with my wealth. Share it with those in need, whether in Haiti or in downtown Milwaukee.

Yes, I am student teaching in Thailand and I am very fortunate to be able to do this, but it is only because GOD supplied me with all the money to do so! My money is not mine, it is HIS!! I want to live a life of full surrender to him. This may seem CRAZY to the rest of world because they don't understand, but ultimately it is between me and God and if calls me I will go. That is what happened with Thailand. Going to Thailand will be amazing and graduating from college will be a wonderful achievment, but there is so much more to life. Now as the future is scary, I have one of two choices to make. I can either live in fear and saddness, focusing on the negative fact that I have loans and stuff to pay back, or I CAN FOCUS ON GOD AND GOD ALONE, keep my eyes on Him and trusting Him. This is the harder choice, but more rewarding. I need to focus on Jesus with all that I have!

Someday I will return to Haiti, I just know it! But for now, I will focus on Jesus and trust in Him with not only my life, but give him the lives of the people I love! I will still find ways to help Haiti in anyway possible. This does not mean the pain will not disappear because I really believe God is allowing me to feel it for this purpose to keep me on track and focused. Now, Thailand and student teaching is my focus...then who knows...Haiti may have stolen my heart, but God is ultimately holding all of me and I trust him to lead me. And if he leads me, I WILL FOLLOW!

Please pray for Haiti. Pray for Jasmine and Greg at OLTCH. Pray for Rigan and Evens, all the nursing students and Hilda. Pray for Anaika and all the children. Pray for Lott-Carey Baptist Church and all the church members. Pray that GOD WILL TRANSFORM THIS COUNTRY. Pray for all the Christians there, Haitian and non-Haitian. Pray for the government!

WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Also, on BBC tonight at 6pm (central time) there will be a talk on Haiti, so tune if in if you can!

Eyes focused on Jesus, not the waves,
Katelyn

40 days!

In 40 days I will be on a plane, heading for Thailand! That is so crazy to think about really. People keep asking me if I am ready and if I am nervous? The whole traveling and living abroad for a while is not what makes me nervous, it is student teaching that gives me the chills. I know I can do it and am very excited, but I am still a little nervous! Being out of school for a while, I am just slightly worried that maybe I won't remember how to handle things in the classroom or be able to teach the chidlren good enough. I have been reviewing some stuff, but still, it is kind of scary to think about. I'm super pumped though because my cooperating teacher is wonderful and I look forward to working with her! Plus, Thailand will be amazing :)

Switching the subject...

God has really been teaching me, once again, about how I need to put ALL my trust in HIM and Him alone! Like I have said before, I have no idea how I am going to pay for school next year. There aren't many options for me. It is nerve wrecking trying to figure out how I am going to make it through my last year! BUT this is not my problem. God promises to take care of me, all I need to do is trust and seek and follow after Him, with all my heart. I recieved an email yesterday stating that I have been approved for the loan I applied for! God is good. This loan was the only option I had to pay for school next year. Although getting further into debt is not my ideal plan, I have no choice. Thinking about how long it will take for me to be released from my debt is one of the worst feelings in the world and I have been wrestling with it a lot lately. After I graduate next year, paying off my debt will "tie" me down. What this really means, I don't know, but God knows what is going to happen and why I am going to have to stay here for a while and pay back my debt. I don't regret going to Crown at all! Who knows where I would be right now if I wouldn't have listened and obeyed in June 2007!! I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind, Crown is where God wants me! I just start thinking about the "future" and get overwhelmed. I ask questions like how am I am going to be able to pay it all back? I thought you wanted me to go God? I say to myself, that is impossible, but...GOD JUST PROVIDED EVERYTHING I NEEDED FOR THAILAND, RIGHT DOWN TO THE PENNY!! I look back further at all that God has done for me in the past and realize, DUH!, God does love me and WILL take care of me! I don't have to worry I have a father who cares about me more deeply than anyone ever can. He sees the bigger picture and understands why I am upset BUT wants me to come to him and admit that without him I can't do it...I keep hearing one little question over and over in my head, "Katelyn, do you trust me?" I love God and want to serve him no matter what. I want him more than anything, even more than to be in Haiti right now (which is a lot!). I just need to keep my eyes focused on Him and remember all that he has done for me.

I have absolutely NO idea what the future holds for me, but I don't need to know that. All I need to know is more about God. I need more of Him. When I seek after him, he will give me the desires of my heart, he will give my dreams wings. I could ramble on and on about the plans that I could make for myself, but as hard as it is not to do that, I think I like it better this way. ALL I AM FOR HIM, I can't be in the picture! This has been a big struggle for me. When God is telling me no, no I can't be in Haiti right now, but I watch my friends go and be the hands and feet of Jesus, it literally kills me. I am always thinking and praying for Haiti and all of the people I love and miss there. But it is not about me, it is about God and my place is not Haiti right now. Just a few days ago God finally got through my thick head...I NEED TO LOVE GOD MORE AND SEEK HIM. period. end of story. So, this is what I am going to do. He is the only one I need and the only one who can help me and sustain me. I WILL TRUST HIM! My life is in Him, my hope, my strength...it is all in Him!

It is all about you, Jesus.
It's not about me, as if you should do things my way.
You alone are God and surrender to your ways!

Never stop seeking the Lord!

Thank you to those of you who have been praying for me! Please keep praying for not only me, but Haiti as well. I will keep you all updated as I get closer to leaving for Thailand and such!

In Christ,
Katelyn

The pain is real

These past few weeks have become a blurr. I can hardly remember what has happened, even though I am not doing much with my time...I still feel so unsure about what I am suppose to be doing with my time right now. But the reason I am writing tonight is not related to this, but to the pain I am feeling right now. As I lay here on my bed, all of sudden I am hit by a tremendous amount of pain. Not physical pain, but emotional pain. I have been crying so hard for the past 10 minutes. The reason...Haiti. I truly miss it so much. Not only do I just miss it, but my heart breaks as I think and pray for everyone there and how much I wish to be there, yet am not. Here I sit on my bed, nice, comfy bed, doing NOTHING! The pain I feel is real. I long so much to be there, not here. I can't help but repeat it over and over again, my feelings as to how hard it is be here instead of there. I don't understand. I get what I am doing.

All I want to do is obey God, but this is harder than I could have ever imagined. I have know idea what is going to happen next. I feel so completely lost and alone. Next year sits in the unknown as I have no idea how I am going to pay for it, I feel like I am completly wasting my summer away doing nothing and almost every second of everyday I think of Haiti and although the memories are good and I woudln't trade any of them for anything in the entire world, some of my memories haunt me. When I wake up and realize that the children aren't really next to me and I am not in a tent, but my house, I can't help but cry. I am so frustrated. I know that God is calling me into missons, but how can I do that if I don't know what I am suppose to do. I don't even know if any of this is making any sense!!! These are just my thoughts, frustrations and pain.

What am I to do?? How do I go when I don't even know where I am to go to? How do I stay strong when I can hardly move at all? Where am I suppose to go after I graduate? How am I suppose to be pay all my debt back? How am I suppose to pay to continue to live? I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!

I feel so far away from God and it is the worst feeling in the entire world. Maybe that is why the pain feels so real.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

As most of you know, if you have been following the news headlines recently, much is going on in Bangkok right now. There is so much war and turmoil going on in the city, it is horrible. They say that this is the worst violence Thailand has had in 20 years! I'm writing this to update everyone on the situation and inform you all about what is going on in regards to myself and my trip.

It is hard to read and watch through the internet (even though caution has to be taken when getting information through the media online) my heart is saddened and I can't help me stop and ask God, "WHAT IN THE WORLD??? Really, Thailand...the ONE place that YOU chose for me to go to!!! With Haiti it was the biggest earthquake they have had in over 100 years and now Thailand's worst violence they have seen in 20 years!?!?" I am confused and quite frankly very upset, I'm not going to even try to hide it! I don't understand. GOD is the one who led me to Thailand! I had no idea where to go and he opened the doors WIDE open to Thailand! Thoughts have just been flooding my head. I want to do what God wants me to do and right now I just don't get it. I am in utter darkness, I can't see. It is a hard spot to be at. I know that I have many people that are concerned about my safety and I understand. However, I do not need to be receiving emails and opinions on the situation and what I should do. I can hardly handle it! I need to only look for what God wants me to do and listen for and to him. It is hard to explain and I know that all of you who are reading this do care about me and just want to help, but please just pray for me and for Thailand. That is what they need, what I need, not article and article about what is going on (which is only one side, the media's side). I am really trying to seek after what GOD wants for me in this situation and ultimately I am only accountable to Him! I will however, use the wisdom God has given me (as best I can). I do appreciate the love and support everyone is giving me and do understand everyone wants to help and I want everyone to understand this. But I also want everyone to JUST PRAY...pray, pray, pray...because prayer really does work!

I have been in constant contact with Claudia (my cooperating teacher I will teaching along side of, who has been living in Bangkok for 20 years now) and Elsie (the director of the school). First I contacted them to make sure they were okay, which they are. God is protecting them and they say God is in full control even during all this chaos and turmoil. Second, I of course, contacted them to seek guidance on what to do about traveling to teach in August, since the Thai Embassy issued a travel warning. It has been a long two days of praying and emails, but I finally received my answer and peace through an email from Claudia about an hour ago. (It is 3:15pm Thursday there and 2:15am Thursday here...crazy! lol). I started crying when I read the email because while I was reading it, it was almost like God was saying, "Kately, my dear one, I do have control and here is your answer to all your questions!" Here was her response to my email:

Thank you Katelyn. We are all doing fine. The school was so sweet and provided a place for us to stay safely. I am back at my house now and things are getting much better in Bangkok now. Our government has worked very hard to do a good job at trying to keep as many people safe as they can. Please don't feel worried about coming to Thailand. It is a beautiful country and the Thai people are very kind and loving. This is a very unusual time, and it seems that things will be back to the normal Thailand we all love very soon.

May the Lord give you confidence and peace as you pray for Thailand. God has a very special experience prepared for you. Please have your parents to write Mrs. Elsie or me if they have any concerns at all. We do not feel in any danger at all. We are just praying for our Thai friends here.

Blessings,
Claudia

God has control over this situation! I have to stop focusing on the waves and continue to walk in the light of the Lord as he continues to lead me to Bangkok. Part of me feels called even stronger to go (even though this isn't a "mission trip", every thing I do should be a "mission trip" to bring people to know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior!) The craziness going on in Thailand almost sounds like God saying "Go" even louder. This may seem crazy, but with Haiti...the earthquake came after my plans to go were finalized and I believe with all my heart that Satan was trying his hardest to keep me from going, but I went because I was called and God did some amazing things! Now with Thailand, I see a slight similarity, but don't get me wrong, this is not the only thing I will be basing my decision of going on, I just find it intersting.

Let me end this with this:
1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

That is all I have for now. As it gets closer and things hopefully surface and come into the light better I will know further what God exactly has planned for me. Right now I will wait, GOD IS IN CONTORL! I will keep you all updated as things arise, but please keep praying for Thailand and myself.

All I am for Him (It is the title of my blog for a reason),
Katelyn

Having Confidence, Confidence in the Lord!

It is now the middle of May and here I sit in my room, still unsure about what I am suppose to be doing for this summer. It is hard, really hard, I don't understand. I want to be in control and I want things to go my way and right now, things aren't. If I was be in control and have my way, I would have a job to help pay for school next year, I would be going back to Haiti this summer as well. If I was in control and had my way...I guess I would be comfortable and safe. My attitude is not good right now in my life. I am selfish and self-focused. I am a sinful person!!! I need more of God in my life, but right now, it is so difficult to trust. WHY? I don't get it! What I do know though! If I don't get more Jesus in my life, I am not going to make it. What else am I living for? But I say that I want to just live for God and do what he wants me to do, but I sit and worry and become anxious. I try to justify it by saying well I need to at least try to do it on my own and see if God "opens the door". Then I try to take control and become focused on how things "aren't working out" how I want them to. I am slightly scared, why?? I start to focus on the questions, on my waves...How am I going to pay for next year? How am I going to be able to do a lot of things? Who is the Lord and how much does he care and love me? How much has he done for me in the past??

What it all comes down to is this, simple obedience...obeidence. I know this is what I am called to do, but it is more than just words. To give God all of yourself means releasing, letting go and trusting. You don't worry and become anxious, even when the people around you begin to ask you questions and get you to try to focus on the waves. If God is for me, who can be against me. God wants what is best for me...I know that, but do I believe it? And what does that entitle? Sometimes God puts us in places of suffering and "shaky" ground so that we learn how to trust Him. I saw this first hand in Haiti. Things became shaky, very shaky but God has a plan for why he allowed it to happen, to bring the Haitians back to Himself. Even in this situation, God has be the one that is focused on. In every thing, God will get the glory he is due! This is crazy! I don't get God at all!!!!!

Basically, this is what I do know, that I must be a living sacrifice, it cannot be about me! I think God is really teaching me about this, right now. Whatever I am called to do, it needs to be about God, not myself. If I am called to go back to Haiti, no matter what people may think and say, it doesn't matter, because it is not about me!! I am the hands and feet of the Lord. It can't be about me. MY LIFE CANNOT BE ABOUT ME!! Jesus died to set me free so that I can go and tell others about him and share his love! This means to have faith in Him, the maker of the Heaven and the Earth, giver of life, my strength, song and delight, my refuge and shelter. As I continue to learn this and grow more in the Lord, he will help me and teach me. This is a tough lesson to learn, but what better time to learn and become more like Jesus??

"God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us, now He wants us to venture our all in abandoned confidence in Him." -Oswald Chambers [My Utmost for His Highest]

Time to have confidence in the Lord!
Katelyn

4 months

Being off of school and having some down time, God has really been putting some things on my heart.

Tomorrow will be the 4 month anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti.I remember exactly where I was when I go the news. I froze, staring at my computer. I didn't even know what to do. The next few days after that were some of the worst days of my life, not knowing if everyone was alive or dead. I can't even count the numbers of tears that fell in that week. Now, my feelings are mixed. I am so happy and thankful that all the people I love are okay, but my heart continues to break for the people and the country. The pictures are still hard to look at and the stories, difficult to hear. I can't even imagine how hard it still is for the Haitian people. They still need so much help, it is unbearable to think about half of the time. But the reality doesn't change, 4 months after the earthquake, Haiti still needs help. They need prayer, support and supplies. I'm not sure what I am going to do, but I am going to do something. I don't think God put this on my heart just because, but he put it on my heart for a reason. I will keep praying and use my "off" time to figure out just what God wants me to do.

Please pray for me and pray for Haiti. I will keep everyone updated as God leads me in what he wants me to do!

Continuing to follow Him,
Katelyn