After a long meeting tonight, with all the political unrest (the best way to describe it I guess...) in Haiti right now with the election and all, our trip has been postponed to April.
Of course I understand why, but it is still completely frustrating and I can't help but cry thinking about the fact that I have to wait 4 months to hold my baby again and be where my heart is. I don't understand God, I am not God. My heart breaks for the country and people of Haiti. God has given me a heart for these people. He is the one who has allowed a good portion of my heart to stay there. I don't understand it at all. I guess maybe I don't fully trust him, trust that he knows what he is doing. When you see the people you love go through so much turmoil it is hard to know that God is with them, loves them and has everything under control. With Haiti, you just never REALLY know what is going on. Things change constantly and stories always get twisted as they travel from one person to the next. I drives me NUTS that I can't know what is really going on. God is the only one who knows fully.
I AM SO CONFUSED right now with what God is doing.
I started writing a post a few days ago, before I knew that our trip was being postponed. Here is what I started to write:
My heart, my heart is still in Haiti. God has allowed it to be there and there it will stay. I don't think my heart will ever truly be anywhere else.
After a great converstaion with a dear friend today, I began to remember how much God really has done in my life in the past 4 years since I came up to Minnesota and started college. I NEVER would have guessed that at the age of 20 I would have been out of the country 2 times and be planning a 3rd trip. But that is why God is God, he can do even more than we can ask or imagine! How many of us actually take the seriously? I don't think we realize how great of God we serve. We get so sucked into our stupid American culture and think that we actually "need" things, when in all reality, we don't. I get sucked into all the time and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have fallen in love with Jesus and who he is. He is worth stepping outside my comfort zone and doing what he has commanded me to do. I am still a human though and like to be comfortable. I am still learning and growing. I am not perfect. Please don't take any of what I am saying personal, these are just thoughts I am wrestling with lately.
God is the one who told me to plan to go back to Haiti in January. Now, HE is the one stopping me from going because nothing can stand in the way of me going to Haiti, except HIM! I guess I am seriously just confused.
I WANT TO BE IN HAITI. period. But I just don't know what God has planned. I mean like what I started to write about before, I would have NEVER, in a million years, guessed that God would allow my heart to break for Haiti, or any other country for that matter. But once you step out of your stupid bubble and see the horrific lives people live around the world, something changes in you. You realize that there is more to life than just your stupid "problems". You can't just look away anymore once you see children wearing barely any clothing on the side of the road, starving to death. 167 kids die DAILY in Haiti, from simple sickness that can be so easily prevented and cured. That is WRONG! GOD, WHY?!?!? I don't understand. and I will never undersatnd. I just need PEACE Lord, that you have Haiti in your hands.
Please pray for me as I wrestle with thoughts.
Pray for Jasmine, Greg and all the kids (their safety and health!)
Pray for Rigan, as he is working in Port-au-Prince
Pray for Evens, as he is working at a new nursing job.
Pray for Lott-Carey Church and school.
Pray for the nursing school FSIL.
Pray for the Haitian people, the election, against any strongholds Satan may think he has on this country!
WE NEED TO PRAY, NOW!
As for as donations for Haiti, I will still be collecting them. Just email me if you have any donations and I will schedule to pick them up from you sometime. (my email is katelynmariem@yahoo.com)
Thank you for all your prayers. i will be blogging again soon probably. All my love.
Katelyn
