I can't even find the words to describe to you what I am feeling right now. Yesterday Anaika's father came and took her from the orphanage. This is something that is not too off the wall at this orphanage in Haiti because the parents don't necessarily sign their children over when they come to the orphanage, but they just allow the orphanage to take care of the children. She is among other children who's parents have come and "claimed" their children and there isn't much Jasmine or anyone can do about it. Parents triumph.
My heart is so heavy and the tears have stopped simply because I cannot cry anymore.I am on my face crying out to God and I can't help, but ask why. It is my human instinct to. I mean, since November 2009 God has placed Anaika on my heart. God is the one who started this passion for Haiti. I am fighting a lot of anger and lack of understanding. To even think about what she is going through makes me physically nauseous. That is best way I can describe it. God has allowed me to connect to this little girl in ways I really can't explain in words. I guess I don't fully trust that God can take care of her. She is so fragile, finally at a healthy, stable time in her life and now she is whisked off to a place she is totally unfamiliar with and is with people she doesn't know. She has never been outside the walls of the orphanage and has been there since she was a tiny baby.I can seriously feel the fear she has right now. "God, in the name of Jesus, take that fear away and replace it with YOU!" That's my prayer right now. I am trying to realize too though that if her father and other family really do want her and want to take care of her that is a good thing. It is still heart wrenching.
I know somewhere deep down inside of me that God really is in control and that is why this is a battle because my human need to fix things and do it myself kicks in and I can't. Even if I could get down there it would be like finding a needle in a haystack to find her and even if I did I have no rights to do anything...I am so discouraged. I miss her so much and now not knowing where she is or how she is doing is killing me even more. Somehow though I still do believe that God has a plan for her life. It may not be what I thought, but HE DOES HAVE A PLAN! She is HIS child!!
I do ask you to pray for her, myself and my family. Pray for protection for her and for God's will to do done in whatever that may look like. We aren't sure what is going to happen next and I am really not sure how to pray at all and it is hard on us all. God is still God though and he is still on his throne.
Trusting Him through the storm,
Katelyn
