Having Confidence, Confidence in the Lord!

It is now the middle of May and here I sit in my room, still unsure about what I am suppose to be doing for this summer. It is hard, really hard, I don't understand. I want to be in control and I want things to go my way and right now, things aren't. If I was be in control and have my way, I would have a job to help pay for school next year, I would be going back to Haiti this summer as well. If I was in control and had my way...I guess I would be comfortable and safe. My attitude is not good right now in my life. I am selfish and self-focused. I am a sinful person!!! I need more of God in my life, but right now, it is so difficult to trust. WHY? I don't get it! What I do know though! If I don't get more Jesus in my life, I am not going to make it. What else am I living for? But I say that I want to just live for God and do what he wants me to do, but I sit and worry and become anxious. I try to justify it by saying well I need to at least try to do it on my own and see if God "opens the door". Then I try to take control and become focused on how things "aren't working out" how I want them to. I am slightly scared, why?? I start to focus on the questions, on my waves...How am I going to pay for next year? How am I going to be able to do a lot of things? Who is the Lord and how much does he care and love me? How much has he done for me in the past??

What it all comes down to is this, simple obedience...obeidence. I know this is what I am called to do, but it is more than just words. To give God all of yourself means releasing, letting go and trusting. You don't worry and become anxious, even when the people around you begin to ask you questions and get you to try to focus on the waves. If God is for me, who can be against me. God wants what is best for me...I know that, but do I believe it? And what does that entitle? Sometimes God puts us in places of suffering and "shaky" ground so that we learn how to trust Him. I saw this first hand in Haiti. Things became shaky, very shaky but God has a plan for why he allowed it to happen, to bring the Haitians back to Himself. Even in this situation, God has be the one that is focused on. In every thing, God will get the glory he is due! This is crazy! I don't get God at all!!!!!

Basically, this is what I do know, that I must be a living sacrifice, it cannot be about me! I think God is really teaching me about this, right now. Whatever I am called to do, it needs to be about God, not myself. If I am called to go back to Haiti, no matter what people may think and say, it doesn't matter, because it is not about me!! I am the hands and feet of the Lord. It can't be about me. MY LIFE CANNOT BE ABOUT ME!! Jesus died to set me free so that I can go and tell others about him and share his love! This means to have faith in Him, the maker of the Heaven and the Earth, giver of life, my strength, song and delight, my refuge and shelter. As I continue to learn this and grow more in the Lord, he will help me and teach me. This is a tough lesson to learn, but what better time to learn and become more like Jesus??

"God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us, now He wants us to venture our all in abandoned confidence in Him." -Oswald Chambers [My Utmost for His Highest]

Time to have confidence in the Lord!
Katelyn