I can hardly believe that 6 months ago at this almost exact time I was sitting at the kitchen table feeding Hayden a snack, enjoying his laugh and smile, having a good day, and little did I know that 3,000 miles south at about 5pm a massive, 7.0 earthquake would strike the poor country of Haiti, killing millions upon millions and leaving millions homeless and creating thousands and thousands orphans added to the ridiculous amount already. It breaks my heart. Last night I didn't get much sleep and I am sure tonight will be hard again. I don't fully understand why God allows me to feel such pain and heartache for Haiti, but all I do know is that I do feel this pain for a reason. Haiti has stolen my heart. God has placed a passion for it on my heart, one that I could never remove by myself. I feel so connected to everyone there and miss it more than I have missed anything before so far in my life. I sit here and look at pictures and being to weep, not just cry. There are so many people that I love in Haiti and even though it has been 6 months now, SO much help is still needed in Haiti and the Haitians need help! I go through waves of guilt each and every day, but above all else, I MUST trust in the Lord and rest in the promise he gives that he knows what he is doing and when the time is right I will return to help my borthers and sisters in Christ, all the people I love dearly. With the hurricane season upon Haiti, each and every day I try not to worry, but it is so hard not to. The tents are not holding up because of the sun and heat they are falling and with no real structures for most Haitians to use and the hurricanes coming, my nightmares seem to increase. It is though, again, a test of how much I trust God. I have to hand all of the people I love in Haiti over to God daily.
A few days ago, I went to a few seminars on Haiti. Seminars filled with stories about God's faithfulness and what we can still do to help. I found myself filled with tears, shivers and yet, joy. Going back to exactly 6 months ago right now in my head I am acutally shaking (which is making it hard to type actually but I will continue anyway). I can't even begin to even imagine what it was like for the Haitians there and I will never fully understand what it was like, but I like I said, God is allowing me to feel only a fraction of the pain the Haitians feel every day. I am so thankful every day that no one I love was killed in the earthquake, but this country is such despreate need!!!!!!! They pray each and every day for God to give them their daily bread, do I? NO! I don't have to! This is so wrong! Their faith is so much stronger than mine, they have ARE IN DESPREATED NEED OF GOD EVERY DAY to help them through. Their relationship with God is so much deeper than mine. I want to be desperate for God each and every second of every day. The Christian Haitians teach me so much each day. I complain and think that I have problems, but really, I DON'T! I have the good life, even if I don't make the amount of money I "need" too, I really am FINE! This is the hard lesson I learning...WHY DID GOD GIVE ME THIS LIFE? WHY DID HE PLACE ME IN SUCH WEALTH??? But yet, I just remember when I was in Haiti in March, how amazed I was at how much the Haitians praised and worshipped the Lord even though they really have nothing. This is one of the reasons, I believe, God allows me to continually feel the saddness and pain for Haiti. I have so much to learn from my Haitian brother and sisters. So, this is what I am aiming to do, learn and be wise with my wealth. Share it with those in need, whether in Haiti or in downtown Milwaukee.
Yes, I am student teaching in Thailand and I am very fortunate to be able to do this, but it is only because GOD supplied me with all the money to do so! My money is not mine, it is HIS!! I want to live a life of full surrender to him. This may seem CRAZY to the rest of world because they don't understand, but ultimately it is between me and God and if calls me I will go. That is what happened with Thailand. Going to Thailand will be amazing and graduating from college will be a wonderful achievment, but there is so much more to life. Now as the future is scary, I have one of two choices to make. I can either live in fear and saddness, focusing on the negative fact that I have loans and stuff to pay back, or I CAN FOCUS ON GOD AND GOD ALONE, keep my eyes on Him and trusting Him. This is the harder choice, but more rewarding. I need to focus on Jesus with all that I have!
Someday I will return to Haiti, I just know it! But for now, I will focus on Jesus and trust in Him with not only my life, but give him the lives of the people I love! I will still find ways to help Haiti in anyway possible. This does not mean the pain will not disappear because I really believe God is allowing me to feel it for this purpose to keep me on track and focused. Now, Thailand and student teaching is my focus...then who knows...Haiti may have stolen my heart, but God is ultimately holding all of me and I trust him to lead me. And if he leads me, I WILL FOLLOW!
Please pray for Haiti. Pray for Jasmine and Greg at OLTCH. Pray for Rigan and Evens, all the nursing students and Hilda. Pray for Anaika and all the children. Pray for Lott-Carey Baptist Church and all the church members. Pray that GOD WILL TRANSFORM THIS COUNTRY. Pray for all the Christians there, Haitian and non-Haitian. Pray for the government!
WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Also, on BBC tonight at 6pm (central time) there will be a talk on Haiti, so tune if in if you can!
Eyes focused on Jesus, not the waves,
Katelyn
