1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

As most of you know, if you have been following the news headlines recently, much is going on in Bangkok right now. There is so much war and turmoil going on in the city, it is horrible. They say that this is the worst violence Thailand has had in 20 years! I'm writing this to update everyone on the situation and inform you all about what is going on in regards to myself and my trip.

It is hard to read and watch through the internet (even though caution has to be taken when getting information through the media online) my heart is saddened and I can't help me stop and ask God, "WHAT IN THE WORLD??? Really, Thailand...the ONE place that YOU chose for me to go to!!! With Haiti it was the biggest earthquake they have had in over 100 years and now Thailand's worst violence they have seen in 20 years!?!?" I am confused and quite frankly very upset, I'm not going to even try to hide it! I don't understand. GOD is the one who led me to Thailand! I had no idea where to go and he opened the doors WIDE open to Thailand! Thoughts have just been flooding my head. I want to do what God wants me to do and right now I just don't get it. I am in utter darkness, I can't see. It is a hard spot to be at. I know that I have many people that are concerned about my safety and I understand. However, I do not need to be receiving emails and opinions on the situation and what I should do. I can hardly handle it! I need to only look for what God wants me to do and listen for and to him. It is hard to explain and I know that all of you who are reading this do care about me and just want to help, but please just pray for me and for Thailand. That is what they need, what I need, not article and article about what is going on (which is only one side, the media's side). I am really trying to seek after what GOD wants for me in this situation and ultimately I am only accountable to Him! I will however, use the wisdom God has given me (as best I can). I do appreciate the love and support everyone is giving me and do understand everyone wants to help and I want everyone to understand this. But I also want everyone to JUST PRAY...pray, pray, pray...because prayer really does work!

I have been in constant contact with Claudia (my cooperating teacher I will teaching along side of, who has been living in Bangkok for 20 years now) and Elsie (the director of the school). First I contacted them to make sure they were okay, which they are. God is protecting them and they say God is in full control even during all this chaos and turmoil. Second, I of course, contacted them to seek guidance on what to do about traveling to teach in August, since the Thai Embassy issued a travel warning. It has been a long two days of praying and emails, but I finally received my answer and peace through an email from Claudia about an hour ago. (It is 3:15pm Thursday there and 2:15am Thursday here...crazy! lol). I started crying when I read the email because while I was reading it, it was almost like God was saying, "Kately, my dear one, I do have control and here is your answer to all your questions!" Here was her response to my email:

Thank you Katelyn. We are all doing fine. The school was so sweet and provided a place for us to stay safely. I am back at my house now and things are getting much better in Bangkok now. Our government has worked very hard to do a good job at trying to keep as many people safe as they can. Please don't feel worried about coming to Thailand. It is a beautiful country and the Thai people are very kind and loving. This is a very unusual time, and it seems that things will be back to the normal Thailand we all love very soon.

May the Lord give you confidence and peace as you pray for Thailand. God has a very special experience prepared for you. Please have your parents to write Mrs. Elsie or me if they have any concerns at all. We do not feel in any danger at all. We are just praying for our Thai friends here.

Blessings,
Claudia

God has control over this situation! I have to stop focusing on the waves and continue to walk in the light of the Lord as he continues to lead me to Bangkok. Part of me feels called even stronger to go (even though this isn't a "mission trip", every thing I do should be a "mission trip" to bring people to know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior!) The craziness going on in Thailand almost sounds like God saying "Go" even louder. This may seem crazy, but with Haiti...the earthquake came after my plans to go were finalized and I believe with all my heart that Satan was trying his hardest to keep me from going, but I went because I was called and God did some amazing things! Now with Thailand, I see a slight similarity, but don't get me wrong, this is not the only thing I will be basing my decision of going on, I just find it intersting.

Let me end this with this:
1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

That is all I have for now. As it gets closer and things hopefully surface and come into the light better I will know further what God exactly has planned for me. Right now I will wait, GOD IS IN CONTORL! I will keep you all updated as things arise, but please keep praying for Thailand and myself.

All I am for Him (It is the title of my blog for a reason),
Katelyn

Having Confidence, Confidence in the Lord!

It is now the middle of May and here I sit in my room, still unsure about what I am suppose to be doing for this summer. It is hard, really hard, I don't understand. I want to be in control and I want things to go my way and right now, things aren't. If I was be in control and have my way, I would have a job to help pay for school next year, I would be going back to Haiti this summer as well. If I was in control and had my way...I guess I would be comfortable and safe. My attitude is not good right now in my life. I am selfish and self-focused. I am a sinful person!!! I need more of God in my life, but right now, it is so difficult to trust. WHY? I don't get it! What I do know though! If I don't get more Jesus in my life, I am not going to make it. What else am I living for? But I say that I want to just live for God and do what he wants me to do, but I sit and worry and become anxious. I try to justify it by saying well I need to at least try to do it on my own and see if God "opens the door". Then I try to take control and become focused on how things "aren't working out" how I want them to. I am slightly scared, why?? I start to focus on the questions, on my waves...How am I going to pay for next year? How am I going to be able to do a lot of things? Who is the Lord and how much does he care and love me? How much has he done for me in the past??

What it all comes down to is this, simple obedience...obeidence. I know this is what I am called to do, but it is more than just words. To give God all of yourself means releasing, letting go and trusting. You don't worry and become anxious, even when the people around you begin to ask you questions and get you to try to focus on the waves. If God is for me, who can be against me. God wants what is best for me...I know that, but do I believe it? And what does that entitle? Sometimes God puts us in places of suffering and "shaky" ground so that we learn how to trust Him. I saw this first hand in Haiti. Things became shaky, very shaky but God has a plan for why he allowed it to happen, to bring the Haitians back to Himself. Even in this situation, God has be the one that is focused on. In every thing, God will get the glory he is due! This is crazy! I don't get God at all!!!!!

Basically, this is what I do know, that I must be a living sacrifice, it cannot be about me! I think God is really teaching me about this, right now. Whatever I am called to do, it needs to be about God, not myself. If I am called to go back to Haiti, no matter what people may think and say, it doesn't matter, because it is not about me!! I am the hands and feet of the Lord. It can't be about me. MY LIFE CANNOT BE ABOUT ME!! Jesus died to set me free so that I can go and tell others about him and share his love! This means to have faith in Him, the maker of the Heaven and the Earth, giver of life, my strength, song and delight, my refuge and shelter. As I continue to learn this and grow more in the Lord, he will help me and teach me. This is a tough lesson to learn, but what better time to learn and become more like Jesus??

"God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us, now He wants us to venture our all in abandoned confidence in Him." -Oswald Chambers [My Utmost for His Highest]

Time to have confidence in the Lord!
Katelyn

4 months

Being off of school and having some down time, God has really been putting some things on my heart.

Tomorrow will be the 4 month anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti.I remember exactly where I was when I go the news. I froze, staring at my computer. I didn't even know what to do. The next few days after that were some of the worst days of my life, not knowing if everyone was alive or dead. I can't even count the numbers of tears that fell in that week. Now, my feelings are mixed. I am so happy and thankful that all the people I love are okay, but my heart continues to break for the people and the country. The pictures are still hard to look at and the stories, difficult to hear. I can't even imagine how hard it still is for the Haitian people. They still need so much help, it is unbearable to think about half of the time. But the reality doesn't change, 4 months after the earthquake, Haiti still needs help. They need prayer, support and supplies. I'm not sure what I am going to do, but I am going to do something. I don't think God put this on my heart just because, but he put it on my heart for a reason. I will keep praying and use my "off" time to figure out just what God wants me to do.

Please pray for me and pray for Haiti. I will keep everyone updated as God leads me in what he wants me to do!

Continuing to follow Him,
Katelyn

Spinning on the merry-go-round

The tears have been more recent as I continue to think and pray for Haiti, Jasmine and Greg and all the orphans. There is something inside of me that literally hurts. It is more than just missing them. My heart literally breaks everytime I think about how far away I am from all of them. I want so much to just hold those children in my arms!!!!!

I look at my life and all that I have and want to puke. If someone right now came up to me and told me they would pay for me to go back to Haiti, I would go in a heart beat, a heart beat. But that doesn't seem like God's plan for me and I don't understand. It is really hard. I don't want to be anywhere else and I fight this every second of every day.

Now that school is over for the year, summer begins. I still have no idea what is going on with this summer. It is not ideal for me not to work, but I can't seem to find a job, no matter how hard I try to find one. I'm confused and keep praying and asking God to show me where to go and what to do with my summer. There are some people I know who are going down to Haiti in June and in July and it is hard to fight my jealousy and anger that they get to go and not me. This really is a struggle for me.

I guess maybe I need a bigger picture of who God is. He does have control, but I just need to see that and rest in Him. This is much easier said than done though. Today, another day for me to deny myself and my desires and focus on God. I am home now, in Wisconsin and have no idea what this summer holds for me, but is that a bad thing? That just give God the ability to use me and shape me. It is hard though, to not be in control. I feel like I am spinning and there is so much on the outside blurring together I don't know where I am and where I am going to stop, but I am clinging to my horse which is God. He is the one who is also running the merry-go-round and knows what he is doing. I just need to try to "enjoy the ride" and wait for him to stop the ride and show me where to go. But that doesn't mean I won't get alittle dizzy along the way.

Please continue to pray for Haiti.
Thank you!

Trying to follow the Lord where He leads me,
Katelyn