Spinning on the merry-go-round

The tears have been more recent as I continue to think and pray for Haiti, Jasmine and Greg and all the orphans. There is something inside of me that literally hurts. It is more than just missing them. My heart literally breaks everytime I think about how far away I am from all of them. I want so much to just hold those children in my arms!!!!!

I look at my life and all that I have and want to puke. If someone right now came up to me and told me they would pay for me to go back to Haiti, I would go in a heart beat, a heart beat. But that doesn't seem like God's plan for me and I don't understand. It is really hard. I don't want to be anywhere else and I fight this every second of every day.

Now that school is over for the year, summer begins. I still have no idea what is going on with this summer. It is not ideal for me not to work, but I can't seem to find a job, no matter how hard I try to find one. I'm confused and keep praying and asking God to show me where to go and what to do with my summer. There are some people I know who are going down to Haiti in June and in July and it is hard to fight my jealousy and anger that they get to go and not me. This really is a struggle for me.

I guess maybe I need a bigger picture of who God is. He does have control, but I just need to see that and rest in Him. This is much easier said than done though. Today, another day for me to deny myself and my desires and focus on God. I am home now, in Wisconsin and have no idea what this summer holds for me, but is that a bad thing? That just give God the ability to use me and shape me. It is hard though, to not be in control. I feel like I am spinning and there is so much on the outside blurring together I don't know where I am and where I am going to stop, but I am clinging to my horse which is God. He is the one who is also running the merry-go-round and knows what he is doing. I just need to try to "enjoy the ride" and wait for him to stop the ride and show me where to go. But that doesn't mean I won't get alittle dizzy along the way.

Please continue to pray for Haiti.
Thank you!

Trying to follow the Lord where He leads me,
Katelyn