Come Cleanse Us like a Flood and Send Us Out

What I am here for, like here on this earth for? This is the big question I have been wrestling with lately. I mean, I know that God has a purpose for me here on this earth, but that time here is so short! HOW AM I SPENDING IT?!? I look at the world around me and see sadness and turmoil. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking about all the hurting people in this world. I was talking to Evens, a dear friend from Haiti, and he was telling me more about the school in Leogane(which my church in Minnesota supports) and it broke my heart to listen to him as he explained how the school is doing. The teachers there aren't even being paid for teaching these kids. They have hardly any supplies to teach and live on basically nothing, working as many other jobs in the evenings that they can find to be able to feed themselves and their family. This is just one group of people living a life we could hardly even imagine! What hurt the most I think was hearing Evens tell me what the teachers say to him. They ask Evens all the time why people just come and take pictures and "help" for a few days and then leave and then they never see them again or see the help they really need to get them back on their feet. As he was talking to me, I grew sick to my stomach. I am so blessed even my trails aren't nearly as bad as people all over the world go through on a daily basis. And THIS is the reason I believe God is calling me to leave my comfortable life here and help those who need to be helped. THAT is why I am on this earth!

In the past 4 years God has opened my eyes. He has called me to go. I believe that he is going to send me out. I don't quite know when or where exactly, but I know he is preparing me now. That is why even though I face trials of all kinds, big and small, right now, I rejoice because God is just preparing me for all that is in the future. I have to keep eternity in the picture always! There is so much more than this pathetic life of collecting as much crap as I can here on this earth! I am done storing up treasures on this earth! We don't know how much time we have on this earth! I am so sick of American Christianity, of people who claim to be Christians yet live a life style that is completely opposite. Now I am not perfect in anyway and struggle with this at times too, but I really do want to become more like Jesus. That is what I am called to do.

I don't know how you all are responding to what is going around you, but it is all very real and we don't have much time left to say "tomorrow I will go help those in need". Jesus said let the dead bury their own and to drop everything and give everything up and follow him. That is it! Why do we American Christians make it into what we want to? I don't get it! People are dying right now and going to Hell. Maybe one of you reading this don't have a personal relationship with your creator who loves and cares so much for you. He isn't going to force you into a relationship with himself, that wouldn't be love at all. This is going into a different blog that I will have to write more about later. I want to stay one train of thought for now...

I want to be used by God and want to see this world changed for HIM! And I believe I can do this, follow Him, into possibly Haiti. I really feel this is where God's leading, but this is what I am asking my brothers and sisters in Christ to do for me, PRAY. I need God's direction more in my life to know where to go after college. I absolutely LOVE it here in Minnesota. I love my church, but more importantly the people who make the church. Leaving will be hard, but I know that God is going to move me. I need prayer for this change as well. Change is very hard for me. I really appreciate your prayer and will keep you all updated on all that God does with me.

I trust in Him.
Katelyn

rock bottom

The last few days have been completely crazy, to put it in the best way possible. If I was to begin to describe to you all that has happened I would probably just write on and on so I am going to spare all of you that and just tell you that since February 1, my life has been in a whirlwind. I have literally reached bottom, and I thought I had been at bottom before. I have shed many tears in the past 12 days. It truly has been rough, but through it all I have seen God at work and even though there were and still are many times when I want to just give up, God keeps giving me just enough strength to make it through and has placed many wonderful people in my life to help me through this time of trails. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how even when everything around me is falling apart, God has me tight in his arms. I am protected and loved. And when doubt comes rushing in I have to keep reminding myself of who MY GOD is! (Many people help remind me as well!) I am really learning about how even though things around me are constantly changing, God does not. And that's what gives me joy, hope and strength. It doesn't matter that things around me are changing, that people are coming and going in my life, that my schedule doesn't always go as planned. I serve a God who is bigger than all my problems (and schedules) and who loves me and PROMISES to take care of me, through it all! THAT is where my faith and hope lies. This really is what I have been learning more about...faith and hope (with JOY!) God has really just been giving me a bigger picture of who he is by stripping almost every security out from under me. I am not going to lie, it has been and still is extremely tough, but it is only when I am at my lowest that I feel and see God the most, which is totally wonderful.

On another note, God has also really been laying other things on my heart. I really think that God is calling me into missions, whether overseas or the inner-city somewhere, God is definitely calling me. I feel it in my gut. My heart just breaks for the lost and hurting. Especially today, I couldn't figure out why Haiti was on my heart so heavy today...it's the 12th. Its been 1 year and 1 month today since the earthquake. I cannot wait to be back there again. My heart is longing!!!! Only 51 more days! It is funny. I NEVER would have thought 8 years ago that I would have gone the places I have gone in the past few years. God has really changed me. He's given me his eyes and you know what, from that comes my heart just breaking looking at all that I see. It is crazy. I still can't believe that I was in Thailand for almost 3 months. I use to hate traveling and although I still do not like packing and flying isn't my favorite, I miss it. I miss Thailand. I miss Haiti. I miss so many things that it can become unbearable sometimes actually and I need God to really help me and calm me down. I wish that I could just go back to Thailand for a few weeks and see everyone again. I guess even though it was all stressful, flying and traveling overseas, it was also exhilarating! I actaully miss it. I also saw God in such amazing ways! I picked Tim to the airport tonight and realized how much I want to travel again. Funny. 8 years ago I would have told you there was no way I would travel overseas, getting out of my comfort zone, but now...wow! God has done some great things with me, things I would have never imagined! I know I am kinda being redundant right now, but I am just blown away by God...he is truly amazing! I hope that one day God can move me around even more as I share his love with this broken world!

All I am truly is for him. Thank you to all of you who have been praying for me. I have been feeling your prayers as God teaches me some priceless things. Please continue to pray for me. I am in my last semester and my car is no more. Stress is insanely high, but I know I can count on God. And to all of you who are at rock bottom right now too, I want to encourage you and tell you that you are NOT alone. Do not listen to that lie anymore. Seek God and you WILL find Him. He wants to cover you in his love, mercy and grace. You have the choice to let him or not.

Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

rock bottom and getting STRONGER,
Katelyn

1/12/10. i will NEVER forget.

Last year, about 2 hours prior to the time now (5pm), I recieved some of the most devestating news...Haiti had been hit by a 7.0 earthquake. I remember exactly where I was sitting in the kitchen as I froze, staring at my computer screen, the pictures still ingrainned into my mind. In only 35 seconds lives where lost or changed. I couldn't wrap my mind fully around it at first, I was in shock.



I remember after I got home from work I cried and cried on the basement floor, just asking God to protect all the people I love. I also asked him to spare lives and be in Haiti. That next week was probably one of the hardest I have ever lived. We had no idea if the people we love were alive or dead...I remember asking God, "WHY? WHY? WHY?" I just didn't understand and still don't really...but I do know that I am not God. Being down there in March (and hopefully going down again very soon) has completely changed my look on life. You can't see that kind of devestation and pain and just walk away. Still, right now, many Haitians are still living in tents, diseases are spreading fast and rape is at a record high.

These people still need help!
and WE need to suppor them, in whatever way we can. Money, supplies, time, prayer...whatever you can give is well appreciated.



My heart continues to break for the country of Haiti. I am so thankful no one I knew/love were killed in this devestating event. But my heart aches for those who did lose a loved one in those 35 seconds.



It is really hard to remember that God knows what is going on in Haiti. It is hard to remember that he knows what he is doing. It is hard to have faith that he will help those in destress. But then I am reminded of great verse God gave to me one year ago, as I shed tear after tear for Haiti...

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

I can do nothing to help these people. I am just Katelyn. BUT I can give my life to God and he can use to me to help them. Just like he can use any of you who are reading this and have been wondering about how to get involved with helping Haiti. Stop just sitting there thinking and "planning" what MAYBE you can do and DO IT! Take a step of FAITH! Support Haiti financially. You can give money to OLTCH (who are still struggling), give money to Feed My Starving Children to feed children in Haiti, pray for Haiti, GO on a trip (contact me, I can give you information)...I encourage you now to, BE THE HANDS AND FEET OF JESUS!!! That's what we as Christians are COMMANDED to do.



God WILL get his glory through this mess of a situation. He WILL take care of his people. PRAY FOR A REVIVAL in Haiti!!! Pray against Satan's strongholds on this country. Pray that good leadership will come into power. Pray for the orphans and hurting children. Pray for those sick and hurting. We need to intervene for Haiti and ask God to help them! I believe this new year, God will do even more in Haiti!! He is a good God, who loves all of his creation!



Please continue to remember and pray for Haiti.

walk by FAITH!

2011, it is finally here! It is hard to believe it really. Wow, what a year 2010 has been, with all it's ups and downs. I fell down lots and yet, kept getting up and moved forward and here I am. I also had great moments of joy and laughter. What a year it truly has been. I remember laying on my bed around this time last year not really knowing what God had in store for me. In 2010 I went to Haiti and Thailand! That is just crazy. I now only have ONE more semester of school left! Time flies, for sure.

To type out all of the lessons I learned would be too much. Lately though, God has given me a glipse of how messed up we all are, including myself. I AM SO FAR FROM PERFECT! I sin. I don't deserve what God has given me. I think I am really learning this right now, how amazing Jesus' love is for me that he would die for me. He cares about what I do. God knows, he sees each tear I shed, he sees my struggles and heartache. But, without my struggles I would never learn. I would never realize how much I really cannot do life without God. My biggest desire is to grow closer to God. But you see, the world gets in my way. I slowly start getting (for lack of a better word) "sucked", thinking that I "need" all these things and I stop getting convicted...It is a battle, each and every day!!!

It is a brand new year to truly live my life for the Lord. The world will think I am crazy, I NEED TO BE CRAZY IN THE WORLD'S EYES!

These are just my thoughts as I lay here, reflecting and looking into the future. I will still struggle with so many things, but God is on my side and wants me to succeed. He wants all of his children to succeed! He has good plans! He is good!

What a BIG year this is going to be! It will be filled with so much, it actually overwhelems me to think about, yet I am somewhat excited. I will step into the "real world" on May 7th, after I graduate college! I will be a licensed teacher! That is what I have dreamed of being since I was 5. Also, I hope that at this time next year I can say that I have been back to Haiti at least one more time!! That is all in God's hands. I have to trust in him that when I am suppose to go, I will. period. Even though I can hardly see one step in front of me, in God do I trust. I walk by FAITH, not by sight.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Let God lead your life this new year. Walk by FAITH not by sight.

All I am for Him!
Katelyn

not sure...

After a long meeting tonight, with all the political unrest (the best way to describe it I guess...) in Haiti right now with the election and all, our trip has been postponed to April.

Of course I understand why, but it is still completely frustrating and I can't help but cry thinking about the fact that I have to wait 4 months to hold my baby again and be where my heart is. I don't understand God, I am not God. My heart breaks for the country and people of Haiti. God has given me a heart for these people. He is the one who has allowed a good portion of my heart to stay there. I don't understand it at all. I guess maybe I don't fully trust him, trust that he knows what he is doing. When you see the people you love go through so much turmoil it is hard to know that God is with them, loves them and has everything under control. With Haiti, you just never REALLY know what is going on. Things change constantly and stories always get twisted as they travel from one person to the next. I drives me NUTS that I can't know what is really going on. God is the only one who knows fully.

I AM SO CONFUSED right now with what God is doing.

I started writing a post a few days ago, before I knew that our trip was being postponed. Here is what I started to write:

My heart, my heart is still in Haiti. God has allowed it to be there and there it will stay. I don't think my heart will ever truly be anywhere else.

After a great converstaion with a dear friend today, I began to remember how much God really has done in my life in the past 4 years since I came up to Minnesota and started college. I NEVER would have guessed that at the age of 20 I would have been out of the country 2 times and be planning a 3rd trip. But that is why God is God, he can do even more than we can ask or imagine! How many of us actually take the seriously? I don't think we realize how great of God we serve. We get so sucked into our stupid American culture and think that we actually "need" things, when in all reality, we don't. I get sucked into all the time and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have fallen in love with Jesus and who he is. He is worth stepping outside my comfort zone and doing what he has commanded me to do. I am still a human though and like to be comfortable. I am still learning and growing. I am not perfect. Please don't take any of what I am saying personal, these are just thoughts I am wrestling with lately.


God is the one who told me to plan to go back to Haiti in January. Now, HE is the one stopping me from going because nothing can stand in the way of me going to Haiti, except HIM! I guess I am seriously just confused.

I WANT TO BE IN HAITI. period. But I just don't know what God has planned. I mean like what I started to write about before, I would have NEVER, in a million years, guessed that God would allow my heart to break for Haiti, or any other country for that matter. But once you step out of your stupid bubble and see the horrific lives people live around the world, something changes in you. You realize that there is more to life than just your stupid "problems". You can't just look away anymore once you see children wearing barely any clothing on the side of the road, starving to death. 167 kids die DAILY in Haiti, from simple sickness that can be so easily prevented and cured. That is WRONG! GOD, WHY?!?!? I don't understand. and I will never undersatnd. I just need PEACE Lord, that you have Haiti in your hands.

Please pray for me as I wrestle with thoughts.
Pray for Jasmine, Greg and all the kids (their safety and health!)
Pray for Rigan, as he is working in Port-au-Prince
Pray for Evens, as he is working at a new nursing job.
Pray for Lott-Carey Church and school.
Pray for the nursing school FSIL.
Pray for the Haitian people, the election, against any strongholds Satan may think he has on this country!

WE NEED TO PRAY, NOW!

As for as donations for Haiti, I will still be collecting them. Just email me if you have any donations and I will schedule to pick them up from you sometime. (my email is katelynmariem@yahoo.com)

Thank you for all your prayers. i will be blogging again soon probably. All my love.
Katelyn

Needs?

These past weeks since I have been back in the country have been some of the craziest weeks. With teaching, classes, homework, work, directing the music for the Christmas play and living life in general, there is no way that I would have been able to do it without the help of God. I am not even sure how I am sitting here right now, but I am. In the past few days, being home, I have had time to rest and think. With Thanksgiving it was the time to reflect on all the things I am grateful for. At first, when you start making a list of the things you are thankful for, it is hard to start, but once I got started I was moved to tears. Here is just part of my list:

- a mom and dad, who are still married
- a brother who may drive me nuts, but makes me laugh
- a sister to share everything with
- cousins who make my life brighter
- grandparents who do love me
- a house over my head
- a nice, comfy bed
- clothes to CHOOSE from each day
- a straightner and hair products
- shampoo, conditioner, and soap
- a car that works
- a college education
- a bachelor's degree and teaching license (well, almost)
- the Bristol family and other Minnesota family
- a cellphone (actually, iPhone)
- a computer
- food, every day!
- clean water
- a hot shower with good water pressure
- heat in the winter, air conditioning in the summer
(my list goes on, but you get the point)

I am so truly blessed with so many things that I take for granted every day. I need to remind myself more than I do now about how many things I do have and stop focusing on the negative things like how I will pay for this and that. It makes me angry to think about actually, how God has blessed me so much. It makes me sick to my stomach! But it is so easy to get sucked into this culture which tells me that I "need" all these THINGS, which will all fade away. You have to constantly remind yourself that you really don't NEED anything, but need to bless others because you have been blessed. Jesus said that it is hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of Heaven. I think I finally understand him now. It is so easy to get in the mind set that you need this and that because it is better or you just have to have it! I am guilty of this! But it has to stop! I have NOTHING to complain about! I make 100 times what the average person around the world makes!!

Francis Chan has made me really think about all of this...take a listen: http://churchwarnings.blogspot.com/2010/07/lukewarm-and-loving-it-by-francis-chan.html

It is going to be a challenge, since I live in the American culture, but if you would like to join in with me and live a life like Jesus and bless others with that which we have been blessed with, please join me. I am not saying it is going to be easy, or that I will not mess up and fall. I AM NOT PERFECT, but the Holy Spirit is convicting me right now and I had to blog about it and ask anyone else if they were feeling convicted too to join me on this jounery. I am sure within the next few days God will start talking to me more, convicting me more.

All I am is for HIM, not me. (although, that is easier said than done, things need to change and I need to renew my mind in him every day to stay focused on what truly matters)

Here is a verse God gave me today:
I Corinthians 3:18-19
"Stop fooling yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world's standards, you will have to become a fool so you can become wise by God's standards. For the wisdom of this world is as foolishness to God."

LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN...

I knew this was coming

So, I have been back in the states for almost a week now. It has all really just been a whirlwind. I went to the doctor and found out my foot is only badly sprained, unpacked, cleaned, saw some friends and family :), enjoyed many great "American" things, repacked, drove 6 hours to Minnesota, unloaded, unpacked, saw Kari, Will and Hayden :), went to my new school where I start teaching on Monday to get my I.D. and see the school, went grocery shopping, met the Bristol girls :) and went to the Crown football game in downtown St. Paul...whew! What an crazy 6 days it has been. I have hardly had any time to process not being in Thailand so now as I lay here on my bed, although it feels so good to be back to Crown and I could not be more thrilled, I am hit with this realization that I am really not in Thailand anymore. To be honest, it is very hard to describe in words. I really miss my students. Seeing them on the background of my computer just isn't enough. I think that I am finally starting to process, which is a good thing because I really need to process this [whatever 'this' means. not quite sure yet]. I totally have to rely on God to help me know how though...I am completely clueless on how to do this...It was hard coming back from Haiti, but that was so different in so many ways...

As I lay here on my bed typing away my thoughts, trying to process through them, I look at my lights I bought in Thailand. They are so soft and beautiful and remind me so much of Thailand. I can't tell if it makes me happy or sad...I am so grateful that God blessed me with the opportunity to go and learn so much by teaching in Bangkok. Yet, I am so grateful to be back here in Minnesota with all my friends! I am not sure how I should be feeling right now. No one has really told me and I guess no one really can...I think maybe I should just go to bed because I am just in the mindset right now of just going in circles. Please keep me in your prayers as I adjust back and am missing many people in Bangkok.

All I am for Him,
Katelyn