We are all praising God as HE has brought little Anaika back to the orphanage and not only that, but had her father agree to all adoption terms! She is safe! Jasmine said that when they picked her up she giggled all the way home. I am seriously blown away by the work of the Lord. Immediately the verse that came to mind is the one I have on my journal next to my favorite picture of Anaika which is 2 Timothy 2:13 "If we are faithless, He remains faithful. He cannot deny himself." God's will WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL! Thank you, Lord. It's fun how God chooses to do things sometimes and reveal things to us in HIS timing. We are always planning, planning, planning. I know I am guilty of doing this, planning and planning and then there is no room for God because I think I have the best plan so when God comes in I say I will seek him and pray for "his will", but really I don't let go of my plans. It sounds so dumb, thinking that my petty plans are better than God's, the God who created the whole world and is sustaining it all! In the last 5 years pretty much everything that I have planned for my life as I started to think about my future as I began my freshman year of college, have changed, but I am joyful and have peace because I believe that this is GOD'S plan for my life and I don't want to be in any other plan. What makes us think that we can plan better than God? Is it because we can only plan based on as much as we know so it seems safer? We think we know what is best and feel like we have control. But when you give God control you are blind, but he is the God of the whole universe! What is faith though? If you were to see everything you wouldn't need faith! God is the best one to have control of our decisions and plans! We truly have it backwards! I am ready to stop living in anxiety and fear and step into the life that Jesus came to die for. He came to give me life to the fullest! Once God does something that we never thought was possible, we have two options, we can either get so wrapped up in what he gives us and what will come next or we can be excited, but keep our eyes still fully on him and acknowledge that in the downs AND the ups we are in desperate need of him and without him we can't make it one step further in life. If we get to wrapped up in what God has blessed us with and take our eyes of the God who gives not only all that we need, but want, it can lead down a terrible path which in the end leads to destruction. This is what I don't want to go.
There is much on my mind right now. There are so many ifs and buts still with Anaika and with me as I make decisions about where to work and what God wants me to do with my life, BUT God doesn't tell me to look at the waves, but tells me to look to him and walk on the water. He is a good and gracious God. He saved a wretch like me! I have so much to learn still about what it means to live for God in every season of life. It is exciting though. God keeps telling me, "Watch Me do great and mighty things that you never thought were possible!" Suddenly it doesn't become about what I am going to do or where I am going to go, but it comes back to where it should be, all about God and what he has planned for my life and how we will get his glory through me. I am truly excited.
I ask you all to please keep praying for Anaika and my family. Adoptions are not cheap, but my God is not dead. He can do great and mighty things that surpass our understanding.
He is God. I am not.
All I am for Him!
Katelyn
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Walking with my Daddy
This past week I began my journey with God as I started my new job teaching early preschool at a learning center in downtown Minneapolis. After learning how to get on right bus, and not always being too successful at it may I add, and also working in a highly diverse setting again, through it all, God has been teaching me a lot! I would say that what God has been teaching me recently here in Minnesota equals that which God taught me when I was traveling and living overseas. It is pretty crazy actually, but it is true. I never thought that God would be able to teach me what I am learning when I am not overseas, but low and behold, He is! I am so ridiculous at times doubting the One and Only true God of the whole universe! Lord, forgive me!
As I was sitting on the bus one of the mornings last week, doing my morning devotions, it felt like all of sudden my eyes were opened to the world around me. I saw the people, broken and hurting, all walking through life hopeless. It broke my heart. I then felt God reminding me of why he has chosen me and saved me. I am to spread the message of hope, Jesus Christ, to the hopeless. Not only am I called to love the children I am teaching and help them grow and develop into who they are suppose to be, but I am suppose to shine my light for Jesus as I commute. It all became so real to me after stepping onto the bus and into the learning center that God really does have a plan and is using me right here in Minnesota. Now, my desire to travel and someday live in Haiti is not gone, but after being with my little students for a week, I see why for now God has me here. My class of 22 has 6 different ethnic groups represented in it. That's more than my class in Thailand! Some of my students don't speak very good English at all, even though they were born in America! It is such a beautiful sight though, seeing all the different children from all different backgrounds, all learning in the same place. I don't know all their background stories and religions, but I know that Satan is threatened by me already. I get the privilege to pray over the children all day long and just love them like Jesus as I teach them the basic learning skills and content. Thank you, Jesus!
If he brings us to it, HE will get us through it.
I am not going to lie one bit, some day my attitude just stinks when I think about what I really am sacrificing in teaching and commuting to Minneapolis. (And also, coming to grips with the fact that I am not teaching in a school district yet or Haiti for that matter, like I had thought I would be, but that's not where God wants me right now!) Commuting isn't horrible, but it is definitely taking time to get use to. God has also been reminding me lately that when we follow him, he doesn't promise it to be easy, but he does promise to help us and walk with us. I am making some sacrifices, but knowing that I am doing exactly what God wants me to encourages me and energizes me! What better place to be than where God wants you!!! I am excited to see what God has in store for me this next year! It will most definitely not be smooth sailing, but it will be a great adventure and I will learn how to walk even more in step with God as he continues to lead me! Please pray for me as continue to adjust to my new position and new commute. God is good though! He has placed a very strong Christian teacher in my room to teach alongside of me :)
Walk with Him,
Katelyn
As I was sitting on the bus one of the mornings last week, doing my morning devotions, it felt like all of sudden my eyes were opened to the world around me. I saw the people, broken and hurting, all walking through life hopeless. It broke my heart. I then felt God reminding me of why he has chosen me and saved me. I am to spread the message of hope, Jesus Christ, to the hopeless. Not only am I called to love the children I am teaching and help them grow and develop into who they are suppose to be, but I am suppose to shine my light for Jesus as I commute. It all became so real to me after stepping onto the bus and into the learning center that God really does have a plan and is using me right here in Minnesota. Now, my desire to travel and someday live in Haiti is not gone, but after being with my little students for a week, I see why for now God has me here. My class of 22 has 6 different ethnic groups represented in it. That's more than my class in Thailand! Some of my students don't speak very good English at all, even though they were born in America! It is such a beautiful sight though, seeing all the different children from all different backgrounds, all learning in the same place. I don't know all their background stories and religions, but I know that Satan is threatened by me already. I get the privilege to pray over the children all day long and just love them like Jesus as I teach them the basic learning skills and content. Thank you, Jesus!
If he brings us to it, HE will get us through it.
I am not going to lie one bit, some day my attitude just stinks when I think about what I really am sacrificing in teaching and commuting to Minneapolis. (And also, coming to grips with the fact that I am not teaching in a school district yet or Haiti for that matter, like I had thought I would be, but that's not where God wants me right now!) Commuting isn't horrible, but it is definitely taking time to get use to. God has also been reminding me lately that when we follow him, he doesn't promise it to be easy, but he does promise to help us and walk with us. I am making some sacrifices, but knowing that I am doing exactly what God wants me to encourages me and energizes me! What better place to be than where God wants you!!! I am excited to see what God has in store for me this next year! It will most definitely not be smooth sailing, but it will be a great adventure and I will learn how to walk even more in step with God as he continues to lead me! Please pray for me as continue to adjust to my new position and new commute. God is good though! He has placed a very strong Christian teacher in my room to teach alongside of me :)
Walk with Him,
Katelyn
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I am waiting, waiting to go back to Haiti. Whether that is for a short-term mission trip again or more, I am waiting. Meanwhile God has made it so clear to me that I am in to work in Minneapolis teaching inner city kids, serving Him while I am waiting to go back to Haiti. My passion for Haiti is God-given..so, someday soon I WILL go back. I am not going to even attempt to lie, this is hard a lot of the time. I have to remind myself a lot lately that God will send me back to Haiti when His timing is right because I desire so much to just jump on a plane. (I was in fact looking up plane tickets just yesterday out of curiosity as to how much they are running right now). It is hard to close my eyes at night and see the faces of so many beautiful Haitian children. Those children are HIS. He has them in his great big hands and this I do know and am starting to believe and live out through not living in worry and anxiety. It is challenging though when I would at any moment drop everything and follow Him if told me tomorrow that I have student loans covered and can move to Haiti and teach there. This however, is not how God is doing things. He is, of course, doing them his way, not mine, which in the end I will be grateful for, but right now, it is difficult.
God is saying, "wait".
What is so difficult about waiting? I mean why can't I just wait? I am so anxious and it eats me alive. Forgive me God for my anxious thoughts and desires. These thoughts are not of you LORD and they have no place in my mind! Do I not believe that God can take care of those children without my help? If so, I have it truly backwards! Am I believing that I can do things better than God, the creator of the universe and who sustains every living thing on this whole plant?! This may sound funny as I am writing it, but I am sure that everyone reading this has had the same thoughts as me! Be honest. How big do you really think God is? Big enough to handle difficult family situations or changes in life? Big enough to handle your wayward child or all the heartache you are going through from the loss of a loved one? Something that I am learning through my season of waiting is gaining a bigger picture of who God is. Jesus said that we are to go to him, right to his feet as we are and give it all to him because HE CAN HANDLE IT! He already knows and can see how it is all going to end and He wants to give His children good gifts. All He is asking is for us to trust Him, His timing and His big hands. This I am learning. Do I struggle with this because I am so greatly bless and don't live a life fearing for my life because I worship the ONE true GOD YAWEH and have enough food and clothing to last me a while? LORD JESUS HELP ME! Forgive me for not seeking your face as much as I need to. May my faith be genuine and real, not some fake American Christianity. I want to be on fire for you and set this world on fire for you!
The world is God's and everything in it, it's all at His command. The Haitian children are God's, so are the inner city kids in Minneapolis or the Somali children in Wisconsin or the upper-class children in LA! None are more important than others!
We are a body of Christ and we are meant to be just that so we can reach this world for Christ!! We are to build each other up. Thank you to all of my friends around the world serving for the LORD! It is truly amazing to see the body of Christ at work. Whether in Wisconsin, Taiwan, Haiti, Thailand, Minnesota, Africa...we are the body at work! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!! No more comparing each other, but let's build each other up as we serve where God wants us to be. I confess to comparing myself to other brothers and sisters around the world serving the LORD in a different country. Please forgive me. I am done and am want you to know that I will lift you up in prayer daily and I will focus on the mission God gave to me in Minneapolis. And together we will bring people to the ONE, TRUE GOD who's mercies are new every morning!
So no matter what season of life you may be in right now, 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." and if you are waiting right now for God to speak or move or whatever, join me on my knees praying and asking God for more of Himself and serve Him with all you have, regardless of season! We serve a great and mighty God who wants to use the weak to lead the strong! It is all about Him, not ourselves.
Psalm 107...Let us give thanks to God for His lovingkindess is everlasting!
AMEN.
God is saying, "wait".
What is so difficult about waiting? I mean why can't I just wait? I am so anxious and it eats me alive. Forgive me God for my anxious thoughts and desires. These thoughts are not of you LORD and they have no place in my mind! Do I not believe that God can take care of those children without my help? If so, I have it truly backwards! Am I believing that I can do things better than God, the creator of the universe and who sustains every living thing on this whole plant?! This may sound funny as I am writing it, but I am sure that everyone reading this has had the same thoughts as me! Be honest. How big do you really think God is? Big enough to handle difficult family situations or changes in life? Big enough to handle your wayward child or all the heartache you are going through from the loss of a loved one? Something that I am learning through my season of waiting is gaining a bigger picture of who God is. Jesus said that we are to go to him, right to his feet as we are and give it all to him because HE CAN HANDLE IT! He already knows and can see how it is all going to end and He wants to give His children good gifts. All He is asking is for us to trust Him, His timing and His big hands. This I am learning. Do I struggle with this because I am so greatly bless and don't live a life fearing for my life because I worship the ONE true GOD YAWEH and have enough food and clothing to last me a while? LORD JESUS HELP ME! Forgive me for not seeking your face as much as I need to. May my faith be genuine and real, not some fake American Christianity. I want to be on fire for you and set this world on fire for you!
The world is God's and everything in it, it's all at His command. The Haitian children are God's, so are the inner city kids in Minneapolis or the Somali children in Wisconsin or the upper-class children in LA! None are more important than others!
We are a body of Christ and we are meant to be just that so we can reach this world for Christ!! We are to build each other up. Thank you to all of my friends around the world serving for the LORD! It is truly amazing to see the body of Christ at work. Whether in Wisconsin, Taiwan, Haiti, Thailand, Minnesota, Africa...we are the body at work! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!! No more comparing each other, but let's build each other up as we serve where God wants us to be. I confess to comparing myself to other brothers and sisters around the world serving the LORD in a different country. Please forgive me. I am done and am want you to know that I will lift you up in prayer daily and I will focus on the mission God gave to me in Minneapolis. And together we will bring people to the ONE, TRUE GOD who's mercies are new every morning!
So no matter what season of life you may be in right now, 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." and if you are waiting right now for God to speak or move or whatever, join me on my knees praying and asking God for more of Himself and serve Him with all you have, regardless of season! We serve a great and mighty God who wants to use the weak to lead the strong! It is all about Him, not ourselves.
Psalm 107...Let us give thanks to God for His lovingkindess is everlasting!
AMEN.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
All of my life, in every season, You are still God!
This season I am in is one of the hardest by far in my life...I now realize why God had me go through some of the things these past 4 years, but it has taken me months to realize this. These past 3 months have been filled with so much sadness, depression, bad attitudes, and just things that are not good at all. I lost myself in the world. I was looking at the world and allowing myself to believe lie after lie about what I should be doing with my "life" and so on. Well, I am done.
I am in a difficult transition in my life, moving from college student to college grad and to be honest, it is harder than I thought it would be. First of all, I can barely handle change in general, but when it is big change, wow, that is tough. Leaving college, and the safety and comfort it brings along with a great community of friends, is extremely difficult. Not only that, but my heart is in so many different places from Haiti to Thailand. It is hard to understand where on this earth my place is. I am waiting...that's where God has me, the most difficult place one could be. But see, what He revealed to me today was this, "Katelyn, I have you right where I want you." It hit me like a brick up side my head. Instantly tears fell from my eyes. I have been fighting with him, screaming at him, telling him to show me where to go and here is where he wants me?!? Here in Minnesota! I can only be where God wants me! How awesome is that?!?! The amount of peace that overcame me is unexplainable. I love God so much and I am always saying I will follow Him where ever he leads...He is leading me to stay put. I praise Him for speaking to me. He really is there. He really does love each of us so much more than we can ever imagine. No matter the season of life, He is still God and we have a reason to sing and praise His great Name! I don't have all the answers by far, but I have a God who does.
My heart is still in Haiti and I have faith in God that in HIS timing He will lead me back down when He sees the timing is right. I will be a teacher whether in Haiti, Thailand, Wisconsin or Minnesota...working in the inner city or suburbs, daycare or school...My life is not mine, but God's.
Thank you to all of you who have helped me through my extremely, rough, dry season of life. I am now choosing to drink from the springs of life! I know my God has great plans for me and that is why I have hope! He has given me back my passion for Himself! Thank you Lord! My eyes are on Him, not this world. He is my everything and I will adore HIM!
Into marvelous light I'm running! :)
All I am for Him,
Katelyn
1 Corinthians 1: 25-31
"Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that he may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption so that, just as it is written, 'Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord'."
I am in a difficult transition in my life, moving from college student to college grad and to be honest, it is harder than I thought it would be. First of all, I can barely handle change in general, but when it is big change, wow, that is tough. Leaving college, and the safety and comfort it brings along with a great community of friends, is extremely difficult. Not only that, but my heart is in so many different places from Haiti to Thailand. It is hard to understand where on this earth my place is. I am waiting...that's where God has me, the most difficult place one could be. But see, what He revealed to me today was this, "Katelyn, I have you right where I want you." It hit me like a brick up side my head. Instantly tears fell from my eyes. I have been fighting with him, screaming at him, telling him to show me where to go and here is where he wants me?!? Here in Minnesota! I can only be where God wants me! How awesome is that?!?! The amount of peace that overcame me is unexplainable. I love God so much and I am always saying I will follow Him where ever he leads...He is leading me to stay put. I praise Him for speaking to me. He really is there. He really does love each of us so much more than we can ever imagine. No matter the season of life, He is still God and we have a reason to sing and praise His great Name! I don't have all the answers by far, but I have a God who does.
My heart is still in Haiti and I have faith in God that in HIS timing He will lead me back down when He sees the timing is right. I will be a teacher whether in Haiti, Thailand, Wisconsin or Minnesota...working in the inner city or suburbs, daycare or school...My life is not mine, but God's.
Thank you to all of you who have helped me through my extremely, rough, dry season of life. I am now choosing to drink from the springs of life! I know my God has great plans for me and that is why I have hope! He has given me back my passion for Himself! Thank you Lord! My eyes are on Him, not this world. He is my everything and I will adore HIM!
Into marvelous light I'm running! :)
All I am for Him,
Katelyn
1 Corinthians 1: 25-31
"Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that he may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption so that, just as it is written, 'Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord'."
Thursday, June 30, 2011
No words, just a broken heart
I can't even find the words to describe to you what I am feeling right now. Yesterday Anaika's father came and took her from the orphanage. This is something that is not too off the wall at this orphanage in Haiti because the parents don't necessarily sign their children over when they come to the orphanage, but they just allow the orphanage to take care of the children. She is among other children who's parents have come and "claimed" their children and there isn't much Jasmine or anyone can do about it. Parents triumph.
My heart is so heavy and the tears have stopped simply because I cannot cry anymore.I am on my face crying out to God and I can't help, but ask why. It is my human instinct to. I mean, since November 2009 God has placed Anaika on my heart. God is the one who started this passion for Haiti. I am fighting a lot of anger and lack of understanding. To even think about what she is going through makes me physically nauseous. That is best way I can describe it. God has allowed me to connect to this little girl in ways I really can't explain in words. I guess I don't fully trust that God can take care of her. She is so fragile, finally at a healthy, stable time in her life and now she is whisked off to a place she is totally unfamiliar with and is with people she doesn't know. She has never been outside the walls of the orphanage and has been there since she was a tiny baby.I can seriously feel the fear she has right now. "God, in the name of Jesus, take that fear away and replace it with YOU!" That's my prayer right now. I am trying to realize too though that if her father and other family really do want her and want to take care of her that is a good thing. It is still heart wrenching.
I know somewhere deep down inside of me that God really is in control and that is why this is a battle because my human need to fix things and do it myself kicks in and I can't. Even if I could get down there it would be like finding a needle in a haystack to find her and even if I did I have no rights to do anything...I am so discouraged. I miss her so much and now not knowing where she is or how she is doing is killing me even more. Somehow though I still do believe that God has a plan for her life. It may not be what I thought, but HE DOES HAVE A PLAN! She is HIS child!!
I do ask you to pray for her, myself and my family. Pray for protection for her and for God's will to do done in whatever that may look like. We aren't sure what is going to happen next and I am really not sure how to pray at all and it is hard on us all. God is still God though and he is still on his throne.
Trusting Him through the storm,
Katelyn
My heart is so heavy and the tears have stopped simply because I cannot cry anymore.I am on my face crying out to God and I can't help, but ask why. It is my human instinct to. I mean, since November 2009 God has placed Anaika on my heart. God is the one who started this passion for Haiti. I am fighting a lot of anger and lack of understanding. To even think about what she is going through makes me physically nauseous. That is best way I can describe it. God has allowed me to connect to this little girl in ways I really can't explain in words. I guess I don't fully trust that God can take care of her. She is so fragile, finally at a healthy, stable time in her life and now she is whisked off to a place she is totally unfamiliar with and is with people she doesn't know. She has never been outside the walls of the orphanage and has been there since she was a tiny baby.I can seriously feel the fear she has right now. "God, in the name of Jesus, take that fear away and replace it with YOU!" That's my prayer right now. I am trying to realize too though that if her father and other family really do want her and want to take care of her that is a good thing. It is still heart wrenching.
I know somewhere deep down inside of me that God really is in control and that is why this is a battle because my human need to fix things and do it myself kicks in and I can't. Even if I could get down there it would be like finding a needle in a haystack to find her and even if I did I have no rights to do anything...I am so discouraged. I miss her so much and now not knowing where she is or how she is doing is killing me even more. Somehow though I still do believe that God has a plan for her life. It may not be what I thought, but HE DOES HAVE A PLAN! She is HIS child!!
I do ask you to pray for her, myself and my family. Pray for protection for her and for God's will to do done in whatever that may look like. We aren't sure what is going to happen next and I am really not sure how to pray at all and it is hard on us all. God is still God though and he is still on his throne.
Trusting Him through the storm,
Katelyn
Friday, May 27, 2011
Blind and deaf
These past few months have been some of the craziest times of my life thus far and right now I feel like I'm drowning. I can't see and I can't hear. It just seems like one thing after the other keeps happening whether it be car problems, job problems, relationship problems...the list goes on and on. As I was reading through my latest blogs they all seem to relate somewhat to each other so I don't want to just keep rambling about the same thing but this time I am truly at the bottom of my rope. Being an adult is not fun, but this is how God designed us, to grow up...I am just going to be so real in this blog and ask lots of questions. If you want to keep reading you may.
Why can't I seem to hear or see God??? My lack of faith? I mean, I see and hear God at times, but right now there is so much I can hardly take it anymore. I keep dumping loads of money, that I don't really have, into my car. I am not working full time yet so I can barely support myself. My family is struggling a lot finacially right now. I want to be here in Minnesota because I love the area and my church family. I want to start my life here, but I'm so confused I guess...am I suppose to live at home? I am just so much more connected in Minnesota... I know some of you reading this may be bias to me moving home but I don't want to base my decision off of that. I really do ultimately want to do what GOD wants me to, but I'm so deaf and blind!!!! I've been trying very hard lately to take it one step at a time and live by faith, but it's getting harder. I guess Jesus never said it'd be easy, but oh my word....I NEED PRAYER!!!! I need God!!! Please brothers and sisters in Christ, whether in Wisconsin or Minnesota or Haiti or Thailand...I am asking you to pleae pray for me that God will open my eyes and ears. I need him to help me.
I guess that's all for now.
Thanks for reading.
Why can't I seem to hear or see God??? My lack of faith? I mean, I see and hear God at times, but right now there is so much I can hardly take it anymore. I keep dumping loads of money, that I don't really have, into my car. I am not working full time yet so I can barely support myself. My family is struggling a lot finacially right now. I want to be here in Minnesota because I love the area and my church family. I want to start my life here, but I'm so confused I guess...am I suppose to live at home? I am just so much more connected in Minnesota... I know some of you reading this may be bias to me moving home but I don't want to base my decision off of that. I really do ultimately want to do what GOD wants me to, but I'm so deaf and blind!!!! I've been trying very hard lately to take it one step at a time and live by faith, but it's getting harder. I guess Jesus never said it'd be easy, but oh my word....I NEED PRAYER!!!! I need God!!! Please brothers and sisters in Christ, whether in Wisconsin or Minnesota or Haiti or Thailand...I am asking you to pleae pray for me that God will open my eyes and ears. I need him to help me.
I guess that's all for now.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Do You Believe in Me?
The question I heard God speak to me as millions of thoughts filled my mind tonight. Thoughts that were not from Him, but from my enemy. With the end of not only the school year approaching, but my undergrad journey, life seems to be going a million miles a second and breathing becomes harder. It is getting harder to remember who God says he is and remember how much he has done for me these past few years. It is easier to doubt. Maybe that is why James warns us against it so much. How much do I believe God, really believe Him? If I am quick to answer, I would say of course I do, but then my actions do not match up with what I am saying. If I really believed in God that means I would not worry about anything. I would literally take each day as it came, but see, I don't...this is wrong. I forget so easily who God is. I start to try to do everything on my own because I "know" what I am doing. Oh boy, am I in trouble now. Thankfully, God's never ending grace can save me from this horrible trap I have gotten myself into. But see, this is so tough. That means letting completely go. Letting go of the future and all that comes with that. Letting go of relationships. Letting go of finances.
I am at a spot where God is uprooting me and going to move me, BUT TO WHERE? I am so anxious and it is eating me alive. There are so many ifs and buts, I can't stand it anymore. I am becoming so consumed with trying to figure it all out myself that I no longer have my eyes on God. As I lay here on my bed and type, I am almost in tears again...fear of the unknown is a battle I am fighting, hard. Only God can give me peace that passes all understanding. He is what I need now, more than ever before. I look back and see how God has done so much in me and I see how much I have grown, but wow, do I still have so much more growing to do.
As most of you know, God has begun to do some great work in my life and opened my eyes to missions, going to Haiti and Thailand in the past year and half. I never thought I would be a mission overseas, but in the past few years God has been really working on my heart. He has truly given me his eyes to see the world the way he does. It is a blessing, yet can be a heavy burden which I have to constantly give over to God and ask him to help me work with. (crazy, huh?) You see, God has given me a new perspective on my life. What does it mean? I don't need have the crap that I have. Of course, being in the states I slowly become more concerned about the materialistic aspects of life, it makes me sick to my stomach really. It begins to eat me from the inside out. I have to have this and that...um, no, I don't! I struggle, don't we all.
With all this said, I have been praying lately about what God has called me to do next with my life. God has been speaking and telling me to take steps of obedience to move to Haiti come this August and teach at the orphanage for a year or two at the minimum. Of course, this requires sacrificing many of my things that keep me in my comfort bubble. But then I read the Bible that I claim to believe in and realize that that is what being a follower of Christ is all about. My life is not mine, but God's. Whether overseas or here in America this is what I am called to do. I feel that the next step I am to take is to go to Haiti and spend some time using the gifts God has given me to change the lives of those children who have nothing. I am so blessed...I NEED TO BLESS OTHERS! And here come the thoughts...oh the never ending thoughts of doubt and fear and whatever else that is not of God at all! It is a constant battle. But see there is so much peace when I think about obey this call on my life, I can hardly explain it to you. In fact, I am not even going to try. I believe that if God wants me to go to Haiti, nothing will stand in the way. Not even student loans. At least I think I believe this...This is what I mean. I look back on the past 4 years and see how much God has provided, when so many said I could never accomplish 4 years at a Christian college, let alone go on 3 mission trips. God is my provider! He can do anything that pleases him. I ask you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to pray for me. I need to hear God's direction on my life even more. I need him to make it clear to me. I need to stop listening to the lies Satan is throwing at me.
I know that moving to Haiti will be a struggle at times, but not listening to God and not going will be even worse.
James says it well:
"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves." -James 1:22
period. That sums it all up. ALL I am is for HIM. All for the sake of the living Gospel that so many need to know! Thank you for your prayers and support as I walk along this next journey with God. I love you all.
To God be the Glory, in ALL I do.
I am at a spot where God is uprooting me and going to move me, BUT TO WHERE? I am so anxious and it is eating me alive. There are so many ifs and buts, I can't stand it anymore. I am becoming so consumed with trying to figure it all out myself that I no longer have my eyes on God. As I lay here on my bed and type, I am almost in tears again...fear of the unknown is a battle I am fighting, hard. Only God can give me peace that passes all understanding. He is what I need now, more than ever before. I look back and see how God has done so much in me and I see how much I have grown, but wow, do I still have so much more growing to do.
As most of you know, God has begun to do some great work in my life and opened my eyes to missions, going to Haiti and Thailand in the past year and half. I never thought I would be a mission overseas, but in the past few years God has been really working on my heart. He has truly given me his eyes to see the world the way he does. It is a blessing, yet can be a heavy burden which I have to constantly give over to God and ask him to help me work with. (crazy, huh?) You see, God has given me a new perspective on my life. What does it mean? I don't need have the crap that I have. Of course, being in the states I slowly become more concerned about the materialistic aspects of life, it makes me sick to my stomach really. It begins to eat me from the inside out. I have to have this and that...um, no, I don't! I struggle, don't we all.
With all this said, I have been praying lately about what God has called me to do next with my life. God has been speaking and telling me to take steps of obedience to move to Haiti come this August and teach at the orphanage for a year or two at the minimum. Of course, this requires sacrificing many of my things that keep me in my comfort bubble. But then I read the Bible that I claim to believe in and realize that that is what being a follower of Christ is all about. My life is not mine, but God's. Whether overseas or here in America this is what I am called to do. I feel that the next step I am to take is to go to Haiti and spend some time using the gifts God has given me to change the lives of those children who have nothing. I am so blessed...I NEED TO BLESS OTHERS! And here come the thoughts...oh the never ending thoughts of doubt and fear and whatever else that is not of God at all! It is a constant battle. But see there is so much peace when I think about obey this call on my life, I can hardly explain it to you. In fact, I am not even going to try. I believe that if God wants me to go to Haiti, nothing will stand in the way. Not even student loans. At least I think I believe this...This is what I mean. I look back on the past 4 years and see how much God has provided, when so many said I could never accomplish 4 years at a Christian college, let alone go on 3 mission trips. God is my provider! He can do anything that pleases him. I ask you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to pray for me. I need to hear God's direction on my life even more. I need him to make it clear to me. I need to stop listening to the lies Satan is throwing at me.
I know that moving to Haiti will be a struggle at times, but not listening to God and not going will be even worse.
James says it well:
"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves." -James 1:22
period. That sums it all up. ALL I am is for HIM. All for the sake of the living Gospel that so many need to know! Thank you for your prayers and support as I walk along this next journey with God. I love you all.
To God be the Glory, in ALL I do.
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